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Honestly I have not idea what you like. But you might like these girls. Or not. Sunday, July 21, 2019
Wayback: Dollar Bill's Blog in 2012
Welcome to the 1st in series of looks back at the legacy and life's work of Dollar Bill of New York, legendary adman, taxi driver, entrepreneur, and blogger of New York City.Back in 2012, Bill's blog had a different name. Most fans remember Bill's blog as "Dollar Bill's Psycho Roundup," but in 2012, he called his blog "Fly Girls of the World (Gone Wild)"
A few months ago it was revealed to me (by a phone girl) that one of the Korean escorts had a crush on me. But try as I might, I could not get her to divulge the girl's identity. The momesan promised not to say and her lips were sealed. This didn't make a lot of sense to me. Why wouldn't my admirer want to make it known? She could see me in the room (which she obviously wanted to) and then get a thumbs up review - all of which would have worked for both of us on a couple of levels.
Whatever...I continued to grill the phone girl as to the woman's identity with no success until yesterday, when the same individual begged me to marry another girl who needs a green card. My fee would be 30 grand but no sex in the deal. Of course, I would never marry somebody for money but still I joked "If I say yes, will you finally tell me who has a crush on me?"
Well...the girl has been deported and there would be no embarrassment for anybody involved. Thus, I finally got my answer: "She's gone now so I guess it couldn't hurt," said the momesan. "It was one of the girls who got sent home." And my first guess was correct. It was HEIDI from ASIAN PARADISE!
Now don't get the wrong idea...I'm not losing any sleep over this...and I'm certainly not going to Korea to seek her out...but I could do a lot worse than HEIDI! Heidi was one of my favorite Korean girls. No, she wasn't a perfect physical specimen (like I am, right?) but the girl had an intangible quality. I'm picturing the day I walked in to find her doing the hoola hoop thing all while texting her friend. Like how cute is that?
Anyway...I think the Korean community could have slipped me a mulligan and offered a session with Heidi given the circumstances. I know I'm not supposed to fool around in the community but if a girl has the hots for me and I can bring customers with a real review...I don't see the harm!
Regardless, I wish HEIDI well and while I clearly did not seize the moment, in my defense, I just didn't know with whom I was supposed to carpe diem in the first place. I really had no idea who the girl was who found me so charismatic. Oh well! What are ya gonna do? It's hardly like I'm going without...and as usual I still live to fuck another day. All I can say is...Girls! If you have a crush on me just let me know. I'll hook you up and not to worry...I do not require a full time commitment or anything like that. Just some occasional fun for which you will be rewarded handsomely in the form of physical pleasure (hopefully) and ads and reviews which will bring customers.
And guys...you can bet that this plaintive cry will go unheeded. I will get exactly zero responses to this solicitation...but at least, it gave me something to write about today.
Well...it's looking like a hot, muggy day so I guess I'll sign off and head over to the pool for the 11 AM geezer swim. One drawback to that action I forgot to mention: Some of the bodies on display are so horrific I fear just a glimpse of them might singe my eyeballs. Ya know...like looking at a solar eclipse? I'm shuddering as I speak. Better go now! Not a lot of eye candy at the geezer swim. That's for sure.
Well...I'm happy to report I navigated the rapids of The Esopus Creek and scaled Mount Sinai with barely a mishap yesterday. But I gotta tell ya...that Tanbark Trail gets steeper every year! (Actually it did get steeper after the mudslides associated with Hurricane Irene which totally washed out Phonecia!) And best of all...there wasn't an escort in sight (at least none that I could tell). Yup! 8 hours off with a phone that wouldn't have rung anyway if I'd turned it on (the phones don't work up there).
And now I'm back to the old summertime blues that all incalls and indy girls suffer through every July and August. The girls complain constantly without taking into account that the people with money in New York City are away for the weekends and/or on vacation for the entire week. So what do they expect? Of course, now would be a good time to partake as I don't see that anybody is exceptionally busy.
Not to be totally stress free, I arrived home to see an e-mail from the Manhattan cable people informing me that the fucking deadbeat who paid for her TV ads one month late bounced a check when she finally did pay. This bitch is such a total fucking asshole I can't even begin to convey that magnitude of my disgust for her and the entire organization.
When I pointed out that in fact, she's two months late - and not just one - the troll countered that she'd made a deposit at the outset. Nice try, douchebag! As if! The frustrating thing is I told the person to whom I deliver the check to dump the slut over a month ago if she wanted me to have any teeth trying to collect. But I guess they're so hard-up for money, they don't want to risk losing the client. It wouldn't be me.
I post nobody on BP without prior payment (unless she's blowing me). And if you're more than a few days late on this blog? Ready...aim...fire!
Whatever...I don't like making all the phone calls and negotiating with an asshole who's just gonna write a rubber check anyway.
So JADE ESCORTS! Fuck you! Pay your bill, cunt. And stop bull shitting!
You can see that one day in the country totally mellowed me out, right? But I don't really care. Those chicks are busted anyway. I wouldn't take a blow job free from any of them. FYI...Asian outcall chicks are a mess. You find one worth even one stroke and I'd be surprised. 99% of the time they're dogs with fleas! And drug-addicted dogs with fleas at that. Bleccch!
OK! I think I've done enough damage for today. Back to the grindstone.
No time to write today. I'm on my way to the country on what will be a top ten weather day of the year!
I got everything set up and with the possible exception of the getting best blow job in New York, this will be about as good as it gets!
One recommendation, though. BELLA at FANTASIA (347-444-5580) is really cute. I just saw her yesterday for the first time. Her pictures do not do her justice!
That's it. To Port Authority!
KANA - East 30's - 646-255-3203 - Very cute indy GFE...half Korean and half Japanese. A spinner to make you a winner.
Well there it is! It took an entire first half of a basketball playoff game to write this and put all the goddamn girly colors in the text. I hope it helps. This is by no means an exhaustive list (obviously) of every escort in New York. But at least it's a good start.
We read, hear and watch a lot of bull shit in the media about guys and/or traffickers who lure girls into the escort profession. Maybe it's true...and maybe it's fiction. But I gained a little insight this afternoon that might really turn the mainstream on its ear - if only somebody from the mainstream actually read this blog.
Whatever...I was on the phone with an old client today - one who I've known forever - when somehow the conversation turned to that old rites of passage thing (the usual sexual abuse mythology which is generally true)...and then to how she got lured into the profession in the first place. And you might find the seminal recruitment tool sublimely enlightening.
No, it wasn't a big, bad pimp driving a $100,000 Benz - or a foreign broker who "turned her out." It wasTHE LIFETIME CHANNEL that did the job! Yup! The girl was just 14 years old when one night she watched THE MAYFLOWER MADAM (the story of Mary Biddle Barrows) on the network and just knew "Hey! I could do that!"
Of course, enroute to her destiny, the girl enrolled in UCLA on scholarship...but dropped out within weeks to pursue her particular dream - one of making the big bucks in the escort game. And sure enough at age 18, she was living in her own apartment, shopping till she dropped, and earning 900 bucks a day to pay the way!
This I find fascinating. While law enforcement pursues any number of facilitators and traffickers whom they think are the culprits, a freakin' cable channel just might be doing more to glamorize the escort world than all the people they're spending all that money to track!
And what about PRETTY WOMAN the movie? How many girls decided to give it a go based on that fucking fairy tale? I mean...come on! Who wouldn't want to find a handsome trillionaire to marry? Ya think maybe a few girls entered the rank and file based on that horse shit?
I'm not trying to preach here or start no revolution. It's not my style. But really...when you think about it...isn't all the media coverage/glorification of the trade as culpable as any other entity? What a powerful recruitment tool! Pimps do it one girl at a time. But Lifetime? Thousands and thousands! And Hollywood? OMG!
And don't tell me networks and movie companies don't profit! How much do you think Garry Marshall earned on PRETTY WOMAN?
Of course, the constitution protects people like Gary...and The Lifetime Channel (and me for that matter). But I've always been conscientious on that front. If you've never been an escort, I will not run your ads. Call me crazy but I'm not about to bring any rookies into this industry. But that's me! As for LIFETIME and GARY? They'll take the money and run. They have mansions and expensive cars and what not. I have a bike. I can afford to turn a new jack down. Let them do the recruiting. I'll deal with the already-damaged. Case closed. And that's my two cents for the day. I'm out!
I guess it's karma...but after criticizing one of my "clients with benefits" for leaving a make-up bag 50 miles behind at a motel in Suffolk, I myself showed up for pay and play last night at one of my favorite spots only to discover that I'd left my phone at home and had no way to post my 1:30's or 2 o'clock ads! Ready to return home immediately so I could come back before closing time, the phone girl stopped me to say the boss was on her way - and I should stay. So the bottom line was I did get paid...but I didn't get laid! By the time I got home it was too late.
However...I do have the personal number of the girl I wanted to see in the first place and figured "What the hell! I'll give her a call and explain why I wasn't there and see if I can convince her to come over." Well yes, she answered...but no, I didn't even go there. It was clear that even though somebody told me this girl actually likes me, I was getting the trick brush-off. And come to think of it...who wants somebody who's been working 8 hours and has seen God knows how may guys already in that period?
And so...I dismissed myself without looking like a needy horn dog and with no other viable option (I'm certainly not going to book a stranger on a Saturday night - a total recipe for disaster), I sat down to xhamster and broke out Madame Palm. Such is my glamorous life.
But there was an upside! I got home in time to post my ads punctually and did not elicit the ire of my micromanaging clients. Oh well! What are ya gonna do? I live to fuck another day. The girl who left her make-up behind wants to see me tonight. I know...I already said my self-esteem is shot because of her. But the blow job...oh, the blow job! I just can't resist! I can't lie. I love when a customer turns me into The Human Lollipop!
Come to think of it...that would make a great porn movie. A super hero named The Human Lollipop - that guy who for some inexplicable reason - every chick just has to blow! And everywhere he goes, girls drop to their knees to service his super hero wand! Now there's a fantasy for you and yourMadame Palm to indulge. And it don't cost you nothing! Definitely worthy of consideration.
I've always been curious as to whether it's heredity or environmental factors that let a woman actuallydo escort work. Are they simply born to please many men - or is there some rite of passage that occurs after birth that opens the door?
Over time, I've met a few phone girls who were young, pretty and actually more attractive than the girls they were dispatching...all of which led me to ask the obvious: "Have you ever thought about jumping the fence to make the big bucks...ya know...actually being an escort so can make 5 times as much money? I mean...you're here already!"
And whenever I've asked this question, a creepy look inevitably comes over the girl's face and she responds uncomfortably with something like "I would never!" They're almost offended that I would even ask though when you think about it, the question is as logical as it can be.
Anyway...putting on my Doctor Phil hat, I've come to the conclusion that both heredity andenvironment factor into the equation...as I've more than once known girls whose mothers were escorts as well...and am well aware of several others who admit to early childhood sexual abuse.
Whatever it is...I bow to the golden calf of escorts who has provided my readers (and me) with hot girls who are fast and loose with that heat, and a living for yours truly so I don't have to drive a freakin' cab (which actually, I wouldn't mind doing again if all this went away).
It's a silly thought for the day but then again...I'm sure a lot of people have thought about why some girls can be escorts while most others can't. It's such a lucrative profession, you'd think that anybody who looked like anything would embark on the career. Unfortunately, it involves doing something that goes against all a woman's DNA when you consider my theory which says women are not supposed to allow just anybody entry to the promised land. Just as in the animal world, the female is supposed to meet and greet the boys and then choose her mate. She's not programmed to gang bang the entire herd!
Whatever! God bless 'em every one. I don't judge - unless they're selfish, inconsiderate, shady, lazy or especially...refuse to pay on time. So obviously, I do too much judging on this job.
Hey, fellerz! I have a long time client who used to advertise here but now does only Backpage. She's about the prettiest customer I've ever had - and has an awesome booty to boot! I'd like to get her back on this site. So give her a call and hook us both up (or at least me). I always wanted to fool around with this girl but alas...it never happened (bummer). Here she is TATIANA (917-284-4308)!
At this point in time, pretty much everybody reading this blog is well aware of the proliferation of escort review sites. Like...they're all over the place. But obviously, it wasn't always that way. Crappy bait and switch hustlers operated with impunity back in the day until these sites were born - and a guy named Dollar Bill brought the new wave to the mainstream via a Machine Age feature in The Village Voice. Yup! I got paid for this little piece of questionable journalism. And it was published way back in 1999!
Some 13 years later, review sites are now every bit as tainted as the rip-off escorts they were designed to out. But that's a situation I'll address tomorrow. For today, we turn back the hands of time to an era when these cutting edge url's were as pure as the driven snow - and you could almost count on the veracity of their content.
THEY SHOOT/THEY SCORE
Once upon a time, practitioners of the planet's oldest profession could give their clients the most perfunctory performances with very little chance of being held accountable. But the Internet may soon change that. There are now several locker-room-style Web sites run by and for escorts' customers that offer reviews of the women and (on one site) therapists who counsel the contributors on all matters sexual.
The concept is simple. A "hobbyist" (one site host's euphemism for what sex workers call a "trick" or a "john") goes online to submit a review of a prostitute he has spent time with, describing in vivid and gory detail exactly how he felt about the performance of the hired object of his lust. Thus worldsexguide.com, heavenorhell.com, lastpage.com/ sexmessages, and "johnsactionguide" (24.229.33.5/default2.html) have become the cyberfraternity houses where men who spend a great deal of their discretionary income visiting women all too willing to compromise their dignity for pictures of dead presidents log on to share information.
For a hound dog on the make, these sites provide valuable information in a business fraught with deceit. For the prostitute they provide an opportunity to let the world know exactly how proficient she is within the realm of sexual performance, thereby enabling those fortunate enough to get rave reviews substantial income growth almost overnight.
In the sex-for-sale business, many advertising vehicles require a picture to lure a client. And often the hooker behind the ad would rather that the world not see a photo of her attached to this line of work. Hence, a likeness from a foreign girlie rag is scanned and used as a facsimile representation. While this is great for the working girl, it is not so great for the client— who either caves, spending big dollars for someone other than the woman he anticipated, or cries "bait and switch," rejecting the encounter when he and his fantasy lady actually meet.
The john Web sites tend to be cluttered with warnings about certain women or escort agencies, as part of a collective effort to educate the legion of enthusiastic consumers who contract for sexual services. With the new wave of cyber review sites, dozens of bogus agencies and individuals are in the process of being outed every day. One nameless escort service owner, infamous for sending anyone available in lieu of the woman pictured in an ad, confided, "I hate those sites." And understandably so— if he's sending fakes at $300 per hour.
But the bait and switch isn't limited to fake pictures; it involves fake women as well. One recent forum on the johnsactionguide site questioned the true gender of several women who the hobbyists suspected might have been born men. "Everyone out there should be very careful with this," cautions one man on the site. "It's pretty amazing how real many of these post-ops look. And when you're horny, you tend to see what you want to see."
Another says, "I am always more careful in checking out female providers who are over 5'8". If I notice anything funny like a wig, a weird voice, thick wrists, no hips or sometimes just that certain angularity that men tend to have, I call it off real quick."
Given the popularity of these sites, a couple of good or bad reviews can make or break a house or a sex worker. Fatima, a pleasant and attractive sex worker with a full-time day job, says the sites are "fabulous." "Ever since I got a couple of good reviews," she says, "guys have been calling off the hook to see me."
But not everybody is so happy. Sometimes the commentary on the sites is graphic, salacious, and malicious— and can be extremely disturbing to those maligned. One very pretty but somewhat overweight Anna Nicole look-alike was reviewed with the passage, "She was so fat I had to separate the folds and flaps to fuck her." When she learned of the posting, she broke into tears, according to the house mom.
Since the onslaught of the sites, some worldly-wise working women have changed their ways, opting to give full and good service to all their clients. Stacy, an uptown sex worker, says, "I've never been the type of working girl to give a client a bad session, because I make most of my money from regulars. But with all these review sites, I make sure to give each and every guy the time of his life."
While there are two sides to every story and the reality of he says/she says applies in the old-fashioned world, sex workers have not caught up with their tricks in the cyberworld. There are as yet no sites where prostitutes can log on to dump on the slobs who patronize them. But that could change soon. Lisa, a very successful downtown madam and escort, is so adamant about these sites, she's already planning on turning the tables. "It's really disgusting the way these guys go online and discuss every stretch mark, every implant, and every mole on a girl's body," says Lisa, who generally receives very favorable reviews on the Web. "Some of these guys are so horrible. . . . Their breath stinks, their asses stink, their underwear has skid marks, their penises are ugly. . . . They have a lot of nerve talking about my girls the way they do. When I get the time, I'm gonna start my own Web site so the girls can review the pigs who think they're so smart. Then we'll see how they feel."
And here's another wrinkle: Laughably called the Creative Writer's Workshop, the johnsactionguide site and its host pride themselves on the quality of the submissions (although many are of a less-than-professional caliber). And some day in the not-too-distant future, the owner plans to consolidate and categorize all the submissions into one entity that he's confident will be of interest to any major publishing house.
Whether the world cares about a cybertrick's adolescent musings is debatable. But clearly the Internet's effect on the performance of the average working girl is not.
Last night I was on the phone trying to convince a girl to hop a cab and seize the moment claiming in all truth that I hadn't had sex with anybody since our last rendezvous. But she wasn't buyin' it.
HER: "Really! You expect me to believe that? What about the psychoanalyst?" (Apparently, she reads the blog.)
ME :"No, I don't have sex with the psychoanalyst!"
HER: "OK! What about the chick who left her makeup bag at the motel in Suffolk County?"
ME: "Didn't you read? I dismissed her out of frustration."
HER: "Whatever! Ya know...guys come to see me and talk about what a great job you have and how they wished they could get lots of girls like you can."
That I found fascinating! Somebody thinks I live a blessed life. The point is...my job is no bed of roses...and my boring existence is far from the orgy many guys apparently think it is. I'm reminded of the fable of the tortoise and the hare when I tell everybody that the guys I've seen in this business who really did fuck all the time were always the same guys who burned out and didn't last. What happened with those "hares" was this: They got so involved in their terminal sex addiction that the work didn't get done...ads were left out...they got into drugs...acquired a reputation for being irresponsible horn dogs... and the next thing they knew...they were fired by their employers and/or clients. Yeah, they did a lot of scoring but that helter skelter pace was directly responsible for their downfall.
I on the other hand am the tortoise. I have never shirked my responsibilities in favor of a blow job. I don't go stark raving mad on drugs and women to the point that the work doesn't get done...and the truth is I see a lot fewer women than most guys think. Sure...over time I've been with a couple - or quite a few - but that's because - like the fable says - the slow but steady tortoise eventually wins the race.
And FYI...I'm the same way between the sheets. Call me slowhand. And if you don't like it (which fortunately some girls do), you can find yourself a jack hammer. I ain't tryin' to die mounting no garden tool! Back to that tortoise thing.
So like driving a taxi, this gig is a grind. Only 1% of the time do I find myself entering the world of the sublime. The other 99%? Ad by ad...and posting by posting...I make my living. Glamor is hardly part of my reality. Yeah, every so often I reward myself for all the endless hours and constant responsibility, but more than occasionally I think about those carefree days of yore when my cab shift was over when it was over...and I could sleep as long as I wanted without awakening from a blissful nap to post somebody's freakin' ad. Boy how I wish I could take off to the country with nothing to worry about but getting to the top of the mountain and popping a tall boy right now!
If I have any success at all in this business, the secret lies in my tortoise-like pace. I don't go crazy and eat all the chocolate in the candy store when I get the cashier job. It's just the kind of guy I am.
I had a boss at Action Magazine who was a major stud. He once bragged that one summer while renting a house at the shore with his boys, he fucked 82 girls. And whenever he came to New York to see clients, he always got laid...and sometimes twice in a day. He had his priorities in order!
But a funny thing happened on the way to the promised land. He got way into cocaine...lost his job...and died a few years later of an overdose. His hare-like MO put him six feet under and now, every time I see a girl, I catch up to old Jack, one stroke at a time. Not that it was ever a competition in the first place. But my point is...slow but steady wins the race...right back to the fable of The Tortoise and the Hare. The tortoise's name is $ Bill.
Time for an update on the A-list! One has gone on extended vacation...one has been deported...one's house didn't pay their bill...and on and on!
1. SHA SHA - LOVELY ASIAN - 212-470-0409 - Rapidly becoming a crowd favorite, SHA SHA exemplifies feminine (and medical) perfection from head to toe. Attention to detail has never been so in evidence with an escort as it is with this girl. From nails...to hair...to makeup...to boobage? 100 percent all the way. Rumor has it she's a little crazy but by me, she's always been great! I have nothing but good things to say about SHA SHA!
2. CHERRY - HOT ASIAN - 646-841-4169 - A lot of guys complain that the Korean girls aren't as young as they look (as if that should make a difference). But CHERRY actually is in her early 20's. She also boasts an elegant sense of style and a body to match! And best of all...she actually gets crushes on her regular customers...something that used to cause a problem for the phone girl over at ASIAN PARADISE (when she worked there). The support staff and owners feel the girls should maintain a professional attitude and not get all gushy over some trick! Of course from the customers' points of view, this would be a plus!
3. CINDY - ASIAN FLOWER - 646-639-1195 - Korean girls aren't generally tall and naturally stacked. But CINDY is...and lately since they fired the phone girl, FLOWER has become a much more agreeable client. Yesterday, CINDY got the job of handing me the ad money and I couldn't help but notice her awesome natural endowments. She's pretty hot. I just never noticed before.
4. LUCKY - FANTASIA - 347-444-5580 - You don't see her in her secretary glasses with her hair pinned up, but I do. And LUCKY is extremely cute and friendly out of her war gear. And of course in it, she's equally attractive. She's the type of girl who looks good when she wakes up in the morning (not that I would know from personal experience)..but you get the idea. Women like that don't come a dime a dozen.
5. BONNIE THE BODY - ASIAN MODELS - 917-284-0733 - Bonnie doesn't always get the best reviews...but nobody who's seen her could say anything bad about her physique. She's amazing! Ask any Korean girl who has the best body in their subculture and they'll all say "Bonnie." And I have to agree. And btw...several years ago I did see Bonnie in the room. I just had to. She was so compelling.
6. GINIE - BUNNY GIRLS - 347-287-7330 - If you're down for a super spinner with a fresh mouth and a super pretty and petite body, then GINIE'S your girl. I love when she says "What the fuck?" with her heaqvy Korean accent. It's really cute!
7. RUBY - FANTASIA - 347-444-5580 - Often ads advertise 35 year old girls as 23, but in RUBY'S case, she really is in her early 20's. She's also kind of tall (which can be a good thing) with a perfect body from head to toe and a very pretty face. I don't really know a lot about RUBY - but when I see her, I know she's a good-looking girl. I might be getting old - but I'm not blind yet.
Apropos of nothing, I think I'll waste some time telling more of my daddy's best stories if for no other reason than to have them on file. (Clearly, I have too much time on my hands.) During his tenure as head of A & R at Columbia, he mingled with the adored and famous - even if in many cases, they didn't impress him that much. However he felt about the artists he recorded, he always had a good story.
Take Bob Dylan for example. In the grand old days of The Sixties, record labels had staff producers who were assigned artists whose recordings it was their job to oversee. And my old man got Bob Dylan. He took one look at what he saw as a mangy, semi-talented, out-of-tune hippy and passed. His Dylan story went like this: "The first time I met him he was surrounded by reporters who asked what the words to a song meant. And he responded 'I don't know. You guys will tell me what I meant. Isn't that your job?'" Pop interpreted that as an admission that Dylan didn't know what the hell he was writing about and dismissed him as a faker. In Pop's defense, he was a big band arranger. It wasn't that easy to relate. Only a few rock and rollers impressed him and Dylan wasn't one of them.
But while he gave Dylan to Mike Berniker (I think), daddy kept Dion for himself because he liked the guy's voice. The only problem was Dion got waaay into listening to Dylan's music and shooting heroin - and didn't care much about anything else. In fact, he was so busy doing drugs and grooving on Bob Dion wasn't even tending to his wife's needs - if you get my drift. Sooo...Kenny Rankin (an obscure artist on Columbia who my old man said had mated with every secretary in the building), came to the rescue. And one day, Dion and Kenny got into it in my old man's office whereupon Kenny offered in his defense "Hey! All you do is shoot junk and sit on the pot all day. Somebody's gotta fuck her." It didn't come to blows. I guess Dion appreciated Kenny's logic.
One singer he completely idolized was Aretha Franklin. Between the ages of say 8 to 18, I'd see Popsicle like twice a year. He lived just about an hour away but had a new family and was a big star. Hence, he had very little time for my brother and me. When he did come to see us, daddy always brought his latest project with which to impress my mother...who was his groupie anyway. Despite the fact they'd divorced not very amicably, she'd sit raptly listening to whatever music he brought.
So one spring day he came over with a demo and told her "This girl is fantastic. She's the best singer I've ever heard. And we're gonna lose her because Columbia Records has no idea how to promote a black artist." And then he played Aretha Franklin's first professional recording. He also played the demo for Barbara Streisand - mostly to fuck with her because he couldn't stand Babs. Surprisingly, she listened and then told daddy "I want a demo of everything you cut on her. She's amazing."
Streisand is a legendary cheapskate. Even in her biography, the author revealed she'd flag cabs in New York and then run on the fare just to save a few bucks. Anyway...Big Bob said that this is how cheap she was: As a final song on an album, the team picked some standard or other and sent out to Colony Music for the sheet music on the tune so the band could whip up a quick rendition to finish the album. According to the old man, she insisted the musicians make their notations in pencil so when the session was over, she could erase the pencilings and return the sheet music to the store. And this was after she'd sold millions of records. Now THAT'S cheap!
The Mid to Late Sixties brought the "hippy invasion" to Columbia Records. It also spelled the end for the old man as he was an arranger and felt as useless as tits on a bull in the company of heavy rockers who didn't require horns or strings on their records. Whatever...Santana, Chicago, Blood Sweat and Tears, and Big Brother and the Holding Company brought the label great riches. And they were on the bandwagon big time. So in the flood, they dropped a few bucks letting Al Kooper and Mike Bloomfield record a couple of bare bones blues jams and called the record "Super Session." And it sold millions. When a label spends almost nothing recording an album...and sells those kinds of numbers...you know the stampede is on!
So Mike Bloomfield found this wild albino caucasian blues guy in Texas named Johnny Winter and Columbia gave him the biggest bonus in the history of music to sign with the label. The negotiation had almost come to fruition when Johnny threw a wrench in the works. "I won't sign the contract unless you give my brother a deal, too."
Columbia's response was essentially "Who the fuck is your brother?" And when they found out he was yet another albino freak of nature they weren't all that thrilled...but unwillingly gave Edgar a deal, too. So what happened? Johnny was a stiff from whom the label never recouped their investment. And Edgar? He made them millions with "Free Ride" and "Frankenstein," both huge commercial successes.
While as stated before, Pop wasn't keen on most rock and rollers, he did recognize Chicago's talent. They had three horn players and he liked the way they voiced the section. Pop told the label they should sign the band but was trumped by another executive who didn't recognize their talents. So Columbia passed but then signed them a year later for like ten times as much money as Chicago would have taken a year before, once the band began to explode at live gigs and it was clear they truly were star material.
Robert Goulet wasn't Dad's favorite singer. In fact, he used to call him "the iron lung." But he liked the guy because one day while Goulet was in Pop's office, he confessed that after a gig in Toronto, he grabbed a chick from the audience for an "encounter" but confessed he couldn't get it up for the show. And any guy who would admit that couldn't be totally full of himself as so many famous recording artists are.
And finally, while Andy Williams had an excellent ear for inner voicings and the harmonies of the background singers on his records, Johnny Mathis had no ear for harmony at all. He simply had a beautiful voice. Even though Dad knew Johnny was gay, Pop didn't seem to have an attitude about his sexual orientation, which was a little surprising as Daddy was definitely old school when it came to that.
Though he only knew me as a child, when I grew up to be the one offspring who became a professional musician, he solicited my help on a couple of projects in The 70's as he attempted to resurrect his lost career. And when he opened a crappy little office at 1650 Broadway, a lot of people would come in to say hi and reminisce. One day this little black dude entered and gave my old man a big hug. Pops actually teared up which I found amazing on two counts. I'd never seen him express emotion like that before...and...he professed to hate black people! Why would he get all gooey over this guy?
The man's name was Otis Blackwell. If you don't know who Otis is...here's a few of the songs he wrote: "Great Balls Of Fire," "Return To Sender," Don't Be Cruel," "Handyman," "Fever," and "All Shook Up." You get the idea! Otis and I wrote one song together. it was called "The Girl's Gone and Left Me Again." It never got recorded.
Here's Otis's card (I kept it somehow), a picture of me back then, and an ancient shot of Popsicle (cigar in hand) at a recording session with Streisand. May my father and Otis rest in peace. And now it's back to the flatbackers. This little vacation down memory lane is over!
I've met a lot of girls in this business who pretend to be nurses...or students...or photographers...or writers...and on and on. But I'd never met any psychoanalysts until yesterday when I received an e-mail in which one of my clients peeled back the layers and let me know in no uncertain terms what she thinks really makes $ Bill tick.
In the communication, she said stuff like "Billy I am starting to understand you. You don't want to be friends and you look for things to keep everyone at a distance." And..."You hook up with a hot girl for a time and you find something you don't like so you push her away. You are a good looking intelligent man." And..."With all of this you have something that blocks you from trust and love. You would make a great father and you are a great catch for a pretty woman but I don't think anyone has a chance."
Wow! Thanks a lot, honey! Can I see your license? Well anyway...to answer quickly...statement one is just false. I don't look for things to keep people at a distance. As for statement two...when I hook up with a hot girl (which is like every ten years or so), I generally find several things that I don't like about her right away. I just ignore them because she's hot and I like the sex. And finally...what blocks me from trust and love with escorts is that too many are damaged, selfish, spoiled, boring...and not people I can really spend a lot of time with. And who wants to hook up with somebody like that on a permanent basis? Only a fool!
The funny thing is I actually like my psychoanalyst. She's quirky and funny in her own way. I just can't get the woman to pay on time...which is why I got the psychoanalysis in the first place. I don't want to work until I get paid and she doesn't understand why. But I like that she thinks I'm good looking, intelligent and a great catch. And I certainly have no intention of buying her a new pair of glasses. Come to think of it...I'd like to meet all the hot girls I've hooked up with because I must have been asleep a lot of the time. I don't remember very many hot girls in my past. Mostly skanks the truth be told. But as I've said before...there's always a big-breasted, phat-bootied, and deep-throated disappointment right around the corner. And thus...I live to fuck another day regardless. And actually, I currently have a client/"girlfriend" who I kind of like. Go figure! But no doubt, she'll do something really stupid and I'll push her away. And ten will get ya twenty that it will be her issue and not mine!
With the weather bad and not a lot to do but post, I like the rest of the world, was tuned into the olympics this past weekend. And being a horn dog, I was of course looking for a female athlete who looked fuckable. I'm sorry to say that with the exception of one Korean volleyball player, I didn't find any! Big tits might be at a premium in the escort world...but they're apparently nothing but dead weight on an athlete! Having them pretty much precludes a woman from excelling at sports. (I know...Serena Williams has tits and ass...but she's a brick house who could start in the NFL. She doesn't count!) And when it comes to the faces of the olympic elite...I didn't see anybody gorgeous in that arena either.
Anyway...there was (or is) one disturbing element to the entire presentation...and one that falls right in with the "To Catch a Predator" theme. And that's the prepubescent female gymnasts. I don't know...but there's something a little spooky about that whole deal. Curiosity number one is that while the males seem to be men...the girls are just exactly that...girls! Why the female olympic gymnasts are so young is a question I can't answer. Apparently, something in the physiology of a woman dictates that if she's more than 16 years old, the old girl is over the hill.
That is what it is...and I can deal...but what's up with all the preening after every element? And the skimpy outfits which show the girls' entire lower bodies? And finally...all the eyeshadow/makeup/pinned down hair-do's? I almost feel like I'm watching one of those little girl beauty pageants (except that these girls can actually do something besides look cute). I also wonder whether these children aren't missing their entire childhoods! And judging by the looks on the parents' faces when the kids perform...exactly who wanted to pursue the olympic dream in the first place?
There's a story about one gymnast (a black girl) who moved from Virginia to Des Moines - and cried herself to sleep from homesickness - just to embark on the olympic mission. But I think what makes me most uncomfortable is the realization that there are pedophile freaks out there getting off sexually at the sight of these performances - and that the presentation itself is just too sexual in nature, thus inviting the inevitable and fanning a freak's flames. Maybe I'm weird...but I'm just sayin'. There's something not right with the gymnastics deal.
Moving on...I promised to mention the new girl at ASIAN MODELS who goes by the name of JULIE. The phone girl tells me she's almost brand new to New York (been here for 2 weeks) and has the beautiful booty all guys dream of. So I asked to see the girl for a second and what happens? They trot out a half-asleep chick in a bathrobe! Brilliant! Totally covered up and without makeup! That's exactly the perfect presentation! Thus, I can't really say a whole lot about her - except that she looked like she just woke up! But here she is all gussied up and photoshopped. Hubba-hubba! You be the judge. And before I go... a little insight into the anatomy of a train wreck.
I have a client who wanted to come visit last night. That's great...but this girl is totally on Diva Standard Time. If she says 1 AM, I know it's gonna be dawn when she arrives! And that's if I'm lucky!
First, she calls to cry that she had to run out to LIC to pay her storage bill or the place was gonna charge her a hundred dollar penalty...begging the question: Honey! You're a grown woman with no children to support and no rent to pay! How come that bill isn't paid? Answer: Gambling, drugs and profound irresponsibility!
Then she calls to say she has to see a client and will be arriving either 2 hours late or 3 - depending if caller number 2 comes through. Miraculously, the second guy cancels and she's on her way over necessitating that I post all my ads for today and clean the joint up in a hurry. No sooner have I done my homework when she calls to say "I left my makeup bag back with my client (who was at a hotel in Suffolk County) and I just realized it. I have to go back!"
OK! I've done stupid shit like that on occasion so I don't judge - and return to doing stuff on the computer to clear my schedule for our fun time. Maybe half an hour later, I decide to call and check on her progress knowing that she's as slow as molasses. Hopefully by that time, she'd be back at the motel and within minutes of embarking on the return trip. So what happens? The girl is still in Manhattan and has just squandered 30 plus minutes finding a way to pay her cell phone bill because it had just been cut off for non-payment.
And that was all she wrote (so to speak). I dismissed her summarily and then took a look at myself in the mirror to say "And you're fucking this mess? What does that say about you?" Not much, I'll tell ya. My self-esteem is shot. I don't know who's a bigger loser...her for being a complete fucking disaster area...or me for even...aw fuck it! You get the idea. Bleccch! Shoot me now! I'm out!!
The great majority of my clients do NOT speak English as their first language. And even if they do, they don't speak it that well. Whatever...as a guy who studies proper usage, spelling, syntax etc., I'm often amused at the fractured English I hear from my customers. After all...most have picked up the language through conversing with English-speaking people rather than actually going to school. And thus, they don't know about conjugating verbs, placing modifiers and stuff like that. The girls simply hope to understand - and make themselves understood. And that makes perfect sense to me. But sometimes it yields hilarious results.
Here are some of my favorite bastadizations of the language in which the results though ass backwards - can be surprisingly endearing: Just for example, I have one Brazilian friend (not a client anymore - way too big a pain in the ass) who assures every caller that what they see is what they're gonna get by repeating over and over "And that's my really picture." I would correct her but when I hear the statement, it brings a smile to my face. It just has a funny ring that gives her a charming and irresistible dizziness.
Or another time, I was hanging out at an Asian place for a few minutes shooting the shit with the phone girl. When I stood up to leave and go to the next stop, her eyes opened wide and out came the words "Billy-ah! Don't go! I'm boring." You're telling me! That's why I'm leaving! Not entirely true. I just had to go! Still...it brought a chuckle to my attitude.
And just the other day, I called up another Asian customer who picked up the phone to say "You can coming over" before I even asked if she was ready. Too cute! "You can coming over." I'd like to be "cumming" with her - if you get my drift.
Years ago when zero Asians would allow me to photograph them, I finally convinced one outcall place to pose for the camera. They had two cute girls and after placing the ads with the real photos in The Press, Voice and NY-Exotics, the phones exploded! When I went back the next week, the boss broke out with a big smile and said "Bill...you good information."
Even though the English in all these examples was totally fractured, what I liked about them is the way the girls conveyed the message. As I once wrote in a venerable publication regarding an immigrant taxi demonstration..."The placards were misspelled...but the message came through loud and clear." And that's what language is about ultimately: Sending the message loud and clear - and with attitude! In all those previous examples, the girls accomplished their missions...regardless of whether the grammar and syntax was correct.
And that's enough of English Professor Bill. It's time to get to work!
I always thought the phrase "passive aggresive" was kind of an oxymoron. Like how the fuck can you be passive and aggressive at the same time? But then a couple of days ago, I experienced it first hand and came to understand the true meaning of the sentiment.
I was sitting at one of the houses with which I do business when in walked who I thought was on old friend, a girl I "mysteriously" haven't run into for a long time. Upon seeing Ms. Honey, I broke into a smile and called her name just out of reflex, whereupon she said nothing...brushed me out of the way...and then slammed the door to the "girls only" room in my face. I'm not that swift but I got it. This was a passive aggressive demonstration with an unmistakable message: "Fuck you, Billy-ah!"
Now why would she have such a horrible attitude? Did I fuck her and then move on to her best friend? Did I take her money and then not run an ad? Did I kill a family member? Well...I'm not totally clear on why the girl suddenly dislikes me but I'm pretty sure it goes like this: I published a few readers' comments that shed a negative light on her performance...and she's apparently angry with me for that!
I might add that there have also been some favorable comments about her - but more in the realm of "could do better if she tried harder" than "she really rocked my world."
I've been aware from her attitude that this girl is burnt out. A couple of years ago when she was an owner, this individual wanted an ad on Utopia Guide. This is a request I almost never get. In response, I told her that the owner hates me and that her best bet was to give the guy a free session in exchange for the ad because his prices are really very high...and that I would give her his e-mail address to make the solicitation. Well...the pained look on her face at the thought of servicing this man spoke volumes. This was the prototypical "I hate my job and all my clients" type of escort guys loathe.
The curious thing is...that as an owner and advertiser, she wanted tons of extras free of charge (or very cheap) - exactly what she no doubt hates from the guys in the room. Just for example...the girl discovered the value of a $ Bill shout out (in a blog entry) very early. One day she asked me if I would mention the house every day for a week on the blog in exchange for which she would give me a hundred bucks!
Wow! What a fucking sport! "I'll tell ya what sister. How's about you give me a blow job every day for the next week - for a hundred bucks?" The nerve. I should write her up every day for a week so the house can make thousands while I get a measly c-note for the effort.
In reality, I just looked at her and smiled conveying the message "Nice try...but I don't come nearly as cheaply as you'd like."
Anyway...what's relevant for the reader here is this: The girl is angry with me because my message to her is essentially one of "Do better in the room. You have (or bought) the physical equipment to do the job. Use it...and stop being a fucking diva. That or get a skill and make a living in another line of work!"
Instead, she's taken to hiring a fake reviewer to post clumps of phony reviews on TER so she can continue turning a buck at the expense of guys who think the reviews they're reading are real - and that they're going to get their money's worth. God forbid the girl should take pride in a job done well. That might involve a little effort. And she'll hear none of that!
I get a kick out of girls who see a nice guy once and then all of a sudden, they think he's their regular and nobody else can see him. Like what the fuck is that?!?! This ain't no Iwo-fucking-jima! You can't plant a flag in a trick and lay claim to his ass in exactly the same way a guy can't walk into a house...wow a girl in the room...and expect he can claim ownership to her ass! Of all the insanity! Hello, girls! I'm a trick and almost by definition, I pays my money...and I sees who I want! You don't own me - and I'm not your goddamn regular!
Obviously, I rarely pay for companionship. It's almost always some kind of barter deal that lands me in the clutches with one of my clients. But that doesn't matter. If I do ads...and play in a house...the green-eyed monster always rears its ugly head. And there have been times I've called ahead to find out who is and who's not there - so I can avoid any uncomfortable situations. And why the fuck would I be put in a position of discomfort? Does the jealous girl really like me? Not usually. Just a money/prestige thing.
Like just for example...I was once with a girl at some house or other. We got into an interface which really wasn't working. Neither of us was getting anything done and it was clear we needed to reconfigure. But the girl kept at it. And why? Because the bed was squeaking up a storm and she knew the other chiclets would hear and think "Wow! She's turning Dollar Bill completely out!"
Ya know...when I see a girl and things get really heated and I know we're both on fire...I realize that it's just for the moment. It's a one hour honeymoon and I don't assume anything else unless the girl finds my number and starts calling me. And trust me...that doesn't happen very often - if ever!
So girls! Put a lid on it! Hey! Here's an idea: If you really like one of these guys so much, try rentinghim for the hour. I'm sure for as long as you pay, he'll be all yours. But until you take that plunge, don't expect guys to come see you every time when you work in a place with several girls. That's just a ridiculous, deluded, selfish and uninformed point of view! Move on! The next guy might be even better.
Long time readers probably noticed that this morning's entry was a repeat...something that happens when I have nothing to say or am tired from a hot roll the night before. The situation was the former today until I got a phone call indicating that yet another of my Korean "friends" is getting the old heave ho from the US of A!
Clearly, with a new law in place, the girls must clear up their outstanding warrants. And keeping current on their immigration status might be a good idea as well. Up until recently, NYPD busts were exactly that...NYPD! But now INS people have been known to come along for the ride - which turns what used to be a botheration for the girls into a disaster - especially if they've overstayed their welcome and/or have any outstanding warrants.
Lightning struck again last week when in a similar fashion to a recently mentioned incident, one of the girls took a bust...had skipped on a court date...and is now on what I call "the slowboat to China." Apparently, deportees are held in custody for a period of time before they actually get sent home...a reality that can't sit well with a girl who's used to eating the mamasan's cooking, napping a lot with her friends, and making a pretty penny seeing guys when they arrive.
The net result of this activity for the consumer shakes out like this: Most Asian houses are not taking any new customers...or even picking up from phones that aren't in the data base. Thus, I'm getting e-mails from guys asking why nobody's answering their calls. And the answer is...if your phone isn't in the database, you need to find a guy who's number is so he can call and get you in! Imagine...you want to spend your 200 clams but you can't even get into the place because the girls are so afraid? That's what's going on right now!
It all seems so silly from where I sit. These girls are self-trafficked and if they're slaves to anything, it's their own vices (shopping, gambling, bad boyfriends etc.) Wouldn't it make sense to legalize and regulate the whole deal so the gov can make some money and pay off a few of the trillions of dollars it (and we) owe?
Well...be that as it may...I've commented on this subject before so I won't go on. Not much more to say!
I was over at one of my American clients' place yesterday just doing the business when one of the girls off-handedly began gossiping about the mad love affair one of the other girls is conducting with a guy from the neighborhood.
I'm always curious when I hear about a (presumably) hardened escort getting all gushy for a guy. I mean...she sees and experiences so many individuals compared to a "regular" girl, I wonder exactly what it is about the one man that is just sooo seductive. Is the guy George Clooney handsome? Or does he boast a huge wallet? Or an even bigger you-know-what?
Well anyway...I've found that there really is no predicting who an escort will fall for. Just like in the square world, there isn't a lot of rhyme or reason in the process. It just inexplicably happens for no particularly rational reason. Regardless, this one really tickled me. The lucky guy who has so captivated this superstar is not a Fortune 500 CEO. He's not an investment banker clad in an Armani suit. And he isn't a rock star with 45 gold records. The guy is a mechanic at the local bike shop. I kid you not. The girl has fallen ass over tea kettle for a bicycle fix-it guy!
And ya know...this isn't the first time I've seen this happen. A long time ago, I worked for a taxi paper which employed a self-proclaimed computer wiz who was also a bicycle mechanic (and a good one I might add). Warren was dating a gross, cheap blonde who nobody in the office fancied because the girl acted like she was better than everybody else. Whatever...when I moved on to my next job at Action Magazine, it wasn't long before I discovered that Warren's girlfriend was a prolific garden tool whose pictures were plastered all over my new employer's publication. Yup! Yet another escort hooked up with a bike-fixing dude! And they even got married and she quit the business - at least as far as I know.
So back to the point...if you wanna win the heart of your favorite escort, forget about driving a pimped out ride...or making a trillion dollars. All ya gotta do is learn how to fix a bicycle and you're apparently on your way. Who'd a thunk?
In this modern day and age, more than a few escorts like to hit the road in pursuit of the almighty dollar. Girls will actually go on tour...hitting Atlanta, Chicago, Boston, Washington and really...any major metropolis where they think they can make money. It's a "have laptop will travel" kind of world for sure. But the big bucks might not always be in the big metropolises. Working small town USA can be just as - or even more profitable.
Like once upon a time, I had a client who liked to stray off the beaten path...and would call me to post her in places like Toledo, Ohio...or Dover, Delaware. And another girl told me she rocked in Burlington, Vermont for a week and only had to post one time a day to get 5 or 10 guys!
So yesterday, one of my colleagues was goofing on Eros for sending all the agents e-mails about sales running in really far off places.
"Like what the fuck am I supposed to do with a half price deal in Wyoming? Who the fuck is in Wyoming?" said James whereupon, he checked out the Wyoming list on Backpage to see if there was anything but spam in the section.
Well...there were maybe 20 ads total for the day and sure enough, one of them was run by an ex-client of mine...a New Yorker with a 646 number!
"Hey, Dollar! I think this chick is one of your ex-clients" he exploded. And yup...there was Keri, a big-breasted black girl from New York, running her ad in Caspar, Wyoming!
I must have called the girl 5 different times yesterday to hear the scoop but all I got was voice mail. And that says to me she was really busy. And when you think about it, not a big surprise. A black girl with 38DD's visiting Caspar. Like ride 'em cowboy. Hiyo Silver! Keri's riding all the way to the bank!
In the meantime...I had some really good therapy last night with my old pal CANDY, formerly ofGODIVA'S FINEST. She wasn't especially happy about a few things I said on this blog...but I got her a good job at an Asian place and I guess she figured "I always kind of liked that loser $ Bill. Let me go over there and have my way with the old bastard to let him know who's the lucky one in this mix!"
Well...I think it's fair to say we both got lucky last night. Or at least I did. And as we all know...that's what matters! But I kid. It was nice to see Ms. Confection. And ya know...I have very good verbal intercourse with this girl. She actually knows stuff. When I grow up...I'm gonna marry a girl like Candy. But for the moment...I live to fuck another girl...another day. What can I say? I'm out! Oh! Here's her ad complete with a new pic shot yesterday.
This blog has surely had its shares of ups and downs in the past few months. First, it was deleted by google as spam. (How is a blog with nearly 1,000,000 original words considered spam?!?!) Then the country's #1 escort site decided I could no longer post links to my site on theirs. Together, these two could pretty much spell disaster for this here train wreck. Yet with virtually no links from anywhere...954 guys came to visit yesterday. That's pretty amazing...almost like an incall which completely stops advertising anywhere still getting 40 regular customers in a day.
Still, I could use more quality traffic. And that's where you guys come in. I figure that more than a few readers also post TER (www.theeroticreview.com) reviews. Now, I don't look at TER that often but when I do, I never see this site's url posted as the location the reviewer found the ad. So fellas...when you write a TER review, please list www.dollarbill-ny.com as the site where you found the girl because a) it's true...and b) that's exactly how I can increase my quality traffic. Half the world goes to TER. Enough said.
On the gossip and drama front, I got nothing today. My most significant activity yesterday (besides some artwork changes) was perusing my twitter account which contains the titles and first lines from all the 180 posts I lost when the old blog came down. And I'm happy to say that most of it was daily crap not worthy of saving in the first place. Plus to my surprise, I found I'd actually e-mailed the best entries to my mother! Thus they live on in my e-mail box! The point? I'm getting over the loss and moving on in the knowledge that whatever disappeared is either worthless - or can be rewritten now that I've seen the headers.
On the blog improvement front, you'll notice I've installed tabs below the header which go to relevant pages inquiring minds might seek. Thus, you can click straight through to the Fly Girl Roundup and A-lister pages without searching for them in the archives. Hopeully, I'll update those lists frequently so they don't get static and useless. I figure those lists are what's been causing the traffic uptick lately. That or my guitar playing! But I really doubt the latter. The trick world can live without my musical contributions. But those lists? That's another story!
I hate soap operas. They have to be the lamest form of entertainment ever conceived to titillate a bored drama queen's mind. Yet as I introspect this morning, I discover that my life is a fucking soap opera...and one just as banal as the crap you see on TV!
So...I called one of my favorite girls yesterday and as usual...found her in a din of noise as she answered her phone. "Honey! You're always in a bar...or club...or out in the street when I call you. Are you ever home?" I asked.
"Listen! I have a life and I'm young! What do you want me to say?"...she fired back as if I was attacking her. More defensively than the situation warranted I answered back "Hey! Are you fucking with me because I'm old and I don't have a life?"
"Billy! What am I going to do with you?"...said she hopelessly. "Uh...a nice blow job would work!"...said I proving how incorrigible and set in my ways I've become.
Such a soap opera drama queen! There's nothing left to do but blow me! That's all I'm good for: Getting a blow job!
The truth is...for some inexplicable reason, the girl actually likes me. She'd like nothing better than for me to treat her like a babe I found in a bar - or on match.com...and not the pro I first met in the room for a review. We'll have to see about that. I just may have to come around to her point of view if I want to partake of the bounties that lay at the end of the rainbow. Ya know...I hate dating. It's one reason I took the job at Action Magazine. I figured I could stop trying to get laid in bars and just turn to pros when the need arose. And I was right!
In a similarly drama-soaked subplot, the good boss at JEWELS came through with the payment last night and actually asked "Is there a white girl here you wanna see for a review?" Obviously, I have a predilection for women of color...and she has a desire for me to hang out with somebody who isn't black for a change.
Whatever...I'll tell you what. I left the hottest Korean in New York off my A-list. KYLIE gave me an awesome massage last night. And what I really like about her is as robo as she is (and she is by her own admission), KYLIE has a sort of innocence and purity a pro of her stature rarely exhibits. And of course...when I suggested that after work we should go beat the crap out of the bad boss, she lit up like a Christmas tree. KYLIE absolutely hates the bad boss and even got in a full-blown brawl with her one night at a party. Too bad I wasn't there for that one!
Well...now that I've put everybody to sleep with the boring soap opera that is my life...I'll stop now before somebody slips into a coma. This episode of As The Stomach Turns is over. You'll have to tune in tomorrow for more of the trvial, trite and banal.
www.allawebbhotell.com
Thursday, August 9, 2012
BYE BYE BABY/NO CARPE DIEM
A few months ago it was revealed to me (by a phone girl) that one of the Korean escorts had a crush on me. But try as I might, I could not get her to divulge the girl's identity. The momesan promised not to say and her lips were sealed. This didn't make a lot of sense to me. Why wouldn't my admirer want to make it known? She could see me in the room (which she obviously wanted to) and then get a thumbs up review - all of which would have worked for both of us on a couple of levels.
Whatever...I continued to grill the phone girl as to the woman's identity with no success until yesterday, when the same individual begged me to marry another girl who needs a green card. My fee would be 30 grand but no sex in the deal. Of course, I would never marry somebody for money but still I joked "If I say yes, will you finally tell me who has a crush on me?"
Well...the girl has been deported and there would be no embarrassment for anybody involved. Thus, I finally got my answer: "She's gone now so I guess it couldn't hurt," said the momesan. "It was one of the girls who got sent home." And my first guess was correct. It was HEIDI from ASIAN PARADISE!
Now don't get the wrong idea...I'm not losing any sleep over this...and I'm certainly not going to Korea to seek her out...but I could do a lot worse than HEIDI! Heidi was one of my favorite Korean girls. No, she wasn't a perfect physical specimen (like I am, right?) but the girl had an intangible quality. I'm picturing the day I walked in to find her doing the hoola hoop thing all while texting her friend. Like how cute is that?
Anyway...I think the Korean community could have slipped me a mulligan and offered a session with Heidi given the circumstances. I know I'm not supposed to fool around in the community but if a girl has the hots for me and I can bring customers with a real review...I don't see the harm!
Regardless, I wish HEIDI well and while I clearly did not seize the moment, in my defense, I just didn't know with whom I was supposed to carpe diem in the first place. I really had no idea who the girl was who found me so charismatic. Oh well! What are ya gonna do? It's hardly like I'm going without...and as usual I still live to fuck another day. All I can say is...Girls! If you have a crush on me just let me know. I'll hook you up and not to worry...I do not require a full time commitment or anything like that. Just some occasional fun for which you will be rewarded handsomely in the form of physical pleasure (hopefully) and ads and reviews which will bring customers.
And guys...you can bet that this plaintive cry will go unheeded. I will get exactly zero responses to this solicitation...but at least, it gave me something to write about today.
Well...it's looking like a hot, muggy day so I guess I'll sign off and head over to the pool for the 11 AM geezer swim. One drawback to that action I forgot to mention: Some of the bodies on display are so horrific I fear just a glimpse of them might singe my eyeballs. Ya know...like looking at a solar eclipse? I'm shuddering as I speak. Better go now! Not a lot of eye candy at the geezer swim. That's for sure.
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
THE SUMMERTIME BLUES
Well...I'm happy to report I navigated the rapids of The Esopus Creek and scaled Mount Sinai with barely a mishap yesterday. But I gotta tell ya...that Tanbark Trail gets steeper every year! (Actually it did get steeper after the mudslides associated with Hurricane Irene which totally washed out Phonecia!) And best of all...there wasn't an escort in sight (at least none that I could tell). Yup! 8 hours off with a phone that wouldn't have rung anyway if I'd turned it on (the phones don't work up there).
And now I'm back to the old summertime blues that all incalls and indy girls suffer through every July and August. The girls complain constantly without taking into account that the people with money in New York City are away for the weekends and/or on vacation for the entire week. So what do they expect? Of course, now would be a good time to partake as I don't see that anybody is exceptionally busy.
Not to be totally stress free, I arrived home to see an e-mail from the Manhattan cable people informing me that the fucking deadbeat who paid for her TV ads one month late bounced a check when she finally did pay. This bitch is such a total fucking asshole I can't even begin to convey that magnitude of my disgust for her and the entire organization.
When I pointed out that in fact, she's two months late - and not just one - the troll countered that she'd made a deposit at the outset. Nice try, douchebag! As if! The frustrating thing is I told the person to whom I deliver the check to dump the slut over a month ago if she wanted me to have any teeth trying to collect. But I guess they're so hard-up for money, they don't want to risk losing the client. It wouldn't be me.
I post nobody on BP without prior payment (unless she's blowing me). And if you're more than a few days late on this blog? Ready...aim...fire!
Whatever...I don't like making all the phone calls and negotiating with an asshole who's just gonna write a rubber check anyway.
So JADE ESCORTS! Fuck you! Pay your bill, cunt. And stop bull shitting!
You can see that one day in the country totally mellowed me out, right? But I don't really care. Those chicks are busted anyway. I wouldn't take a blow job free from any of them. FYI...Asian outcall chicks are a mess. You find one worth even one stroke and I'd be surprised. 99% of the time they're dogs with fleas! And drug-addicted dogs with fleas at that. Bleccch!
OK! I think I've done enough damage for today. Back to the grindstone.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
COUNTRY OR BUST
No time to write today. I'm on my way to the country on what will be a top ten weather day of the year!
I got everything set up and with the possible exception of the getting best blow job in New York, this will be about as good as it gets!
One recommendation, though. BELLA at FANTASIA (347-444-5580) is really cute. I just saw her yesterday for the first time. Her pictures do not do her justice!
That's it. To Port Authority!
Monday, August 6, 2012
FLY GIRLS OF THE WORLD ROUNDUP - 8/9 update
As you might imagine, the new blog is going to have a few changes. And this time around, everybody gets a guide listing. Initially, I threw this roundup in as a bonus but of course, now the girls (and guys) have come to expect it. And since I lost the old version, I have to write something entirely new!
ASIAN PARADISE NYC - Midtown 30's - 347-256-7143 - Gone fishing for an undetermined period of time.
LOVELY ASIAN NYC - Midtown 30's - 212-470-0409 Hiyo, Silver! Yet another cool oasis in Midtown! And the amazing SHA SHA is back, too! OLIVIA and KYMBERLY coming soon! Stay tuned!
FANTASIA NYC - Chinatown - 347-444-5580 - Very hot selection at this cozy out-of-the-way spot! What with BELLA, LUCKY and BIANCA...it's hard to miss! Plus you're right there for a hearty meal at a reasonable price. What's not to like?
BUNNY GIRLS NYC - Midtown 30's - 347-287-7330 - Most Asian girls like to shop till they drop. But at Bunny Girls...they hop till you drop! Or at least that's the tag line I use in their ads. Whatever...with spinner YOYO, and GINIE plus tall MISS EVA, you'll be good to go. Yo!
ASIAN MODELS - Midtown 20's - 917-284-0733 - is a long time favorite in the Korean community and for good reason. They always have at least a couple of pretty girls and two excellent phone girls. TAMIhas awesome reviews...and BONNIE'S body is the stuff of legend. Clear the runway...here come the girls of ASIAN MODELS!
ASIAN MODELS - Midtown 20's - 917-284-0733 - is a long time favorite in the Korean community and for good reason. They always have at least a couple of pretty girls and two excellent phone girls. TAMIhas awesome reviews...and BONNIE'S body is the stuff of legend. Clear the runway...here come the girls of ASIAN MODELS!
GOLDEN ASIAN NYC - East 40's - 646-391-2639 - The gold standard is right here. They're much less than $1600 an ounce but even more precious. Come strike it rich at GOLDEN ASIAN! Getting nauseous yet? Whatever...there's always a hot GFE in the place and/or a new girl who's never been to NYC before.
ASIAN FLOWER NYC - East 30's - 646-639-1195 - Put your metal to the petal right here! The fragrance of true love and romance awaits. I know...I'm full of cliches...but these girls are the real deal. Lots of pretty faces moving in and out...and in and out...and up and down...and up and down!
HOT ASIAN NYC - Midtown 20's - 646-841-4167 - Possibly the best in NY for ambiance and talent. The place is very spacious and the girls all hot hot hot! SUNNY is super busty...GANA tall and gorgeous...and CHERRY the slinky belle of the ball! And that's just part of the lineup!
KANA - East 30's - 646-255-3203 - Very cute indy GFE...half Korean and half Japanese. A spinner to make you a winner.
AMANDA MANHATTAN - East 60's - 646-416-4496 - Major freak. She's British...so she'll do anything. And in fact, she likes to do everything! Want your boundaries stretched and your mind hypnotized? Try Amanda. And oh...those breasts!!
ATHENA SPA - Midtown 30's - 212-683-4484 - Probably the plushest spa in New York. And even the receptionists at the counter are hot. And in a bring-home-to-mom kind of way! Definitely the place for relaxation. Massage licenses all over the place, too!
THE INCREDIBLE LEAH - all over - 347-831-8037 - When you want to become the Incredible Human Lollipop, give Leah a call. Her oral therapy is second to none. And if you like very mature ladies, she's the one!
CANDY - all over - 646-239-8100 - Super cute and friendly Cali valley girl dipped in chocolate. To talk to her on the phone, you'd never know she's black. But to see her booty? Then you know!
TATIANA - West 40's - 917-284-4308 - Mad Dominican booty on what I consider the prettiest girl on this blog. The girl has a gorgeous face. I don't think anybody would disagree.
THE INCREDIBLE LEAH - all over - 347-831-8037 - When you want to become the Incredible Human Lollipop, give Leah a call. Her oral therapy is second to none. And if you like very mature ladies, she's the one!
CANDY - all over - 646-239-8100 - Super cute and friendly Cali valley girl dipped in chocolate. To talk to her on the phone, you'd never know she's black. But to see her booty? Then you know!
TATIANA - West 40's - 917-284-4308 - Mad Dominican booty on what I consider the prettiest girl on this blog. The girl has a gorgeous face. I don't think anybody would disagree.
Well there it is! It took an entire first half of a basketball playoff game to write this and put all the goddamn girly colors in the text. I hope it helps. This is by no means an exhaustive list (obviously) of every escort in New York. But at least it's a good start.
Sunday, August 5, 2012
REFLECTIONS ON RECRUITMENT
We read, hear and watch a lot of bull shit in the media about guys and/or traffickers who lure girls into the escort profession. Maybe it's true...and maybe it's fiction. But I gained a little insight this afternoon that might really turn the mainstream on its ear - if only somebody from the mainstream actually read this blog.
Whatever...I was on the phone with an old client today - one who I've known forever - when somehow the conversation turned to that old rites of passage thing (the usual sexual abuse mythology which is generally true)...and then to how she got lured into the profession in the first place. And you might find the seminal recruitment tool sublimely enlightening.
No, it wasn't a big, bad pimp driving a $100,000 Benz - or a foreign broker who "turned her out." It wasTHE LIFETIME CHANNEL that did the job! Yup! The girl was just 14 years old when one night she watched THE MAYFLOWER MADAM (the story of Mary Biddle Barrows) on the network and just knew "Hey! I could do that!"
Of course, enroute to her destiny, the girl enrolled in UCLA on scholarship...but dropped out within weeks to pursue her particular dream - one of making the big bucks in the escort game. And sure enough at age 18, she was living in her own apartment, shopping till she dropped, and earning 900 bucks a day to pay the way!
This I find fascinating. While law enforcement pursues any number of facilitators and traffickers whom they think are the culprits, a freakin' cable channel just might be doing more to glamorize the escort world than all the people they're spending all that money to track!
And what about PRETTY WOMAN the movie? How many girls decided to give it a go based on that fucking fairy tale? I mean...come on! Who wouldn't want to find a handsome trillionaire to marry? Ya think maybe a few girls entered the rank and file based on that horse shit?
I'm not trying to preach here or start no revolution. It's not my style. But really...when you think about it...isn't all the media coverage/glorification of the trade as culpable as any other entity? What a powerful recruitment tool! Pimps do it one girl at a time. But Lifetime? Thousands and thousands! And Hollywood? OMG!
And don't tell me networks and movie companies don't profit! How much do you think Garry Marshall earned on PRETTY WOMAN?
Of course, the constitution protects people like Gary...and The Lifetime Channel (and me for that matter). But I've always been conscientious on that front. If you've never been an escort, I will not run your ads. Call me crazy but I'm not about to bring any rookies into this industry. But that's me! As for LIFETIME and GARY? They'll take the money and run. They have mansions and expensive cars and what not. I have a bike. I can afford to turn a new jack down. Let them do the recruiting. I'll deal with the already-damaged. Case closed. And that's my two cents for the day. I'm out!
AN EVENING WITH MADAM PALM
I guess it's karma...but after criticizing one of my "clients with benefits" for leaving a make-up bag 50 miles behind at a motel in Suffolk, I myself showed up for pay and play last night at one of my favorite spots only to discover that I'd left my phone at home and had no way to post my 1:30's or 2 o'clock ads! Ready to return home immediately so I could come back before closing time, the phone girl stopped me to say the boss was on her way - and I should stay. So the bottom line was I did get paid...but I didn't get laid! By the time I got home it was too late.
However...I do have the personal number of the girl I wanted to see in the first place and figured "What the hell! I'll give her a call and explain why I wasn't there and see if I can convince her to come over." Well yes, she answered...but no, I didn't even go there. It was clear that even though somebody told me this girl actually likes me, I was getting the trick brush-off. And come to think of it...who wants somebody who's been working 8 hours and has seen God knows how may guys already in that period?
And so...I dismissed myself without looking like a needy horn dog and with no other viable option (I'm certainly not going to book a stranger on a Saturday night - a total recipe for disaster), I sat down to xhamster and broke out Madame Palm. Such is my glamorous life.
But there was an upside! I got home in time to post my ads punctually and did not elicit the ire of my micromanaging clients. Oh well! What are ya gonna do? I live to fuck another day. The girl who left her make-up behind wants to see me tonight. I know...I already said my self-esteem is shot because of her. But the blow job...oh, the blow job! I just can't resist! I can't lie. I love when a customer turns me into The Human Lollipop!
Come to think of it...that would make a great porn movie. A super hero named The Human Lollipop - that guy who for some inexplicable reason - every chick just has to blow! And everywhere he goes, girls drop to their knees to service his super hero wand! Now there's a fantasy for you and yourMadame Palm to indulge. And it don't cost you nothing! Definitely worthy of consideration.
Saturday, August 4, 2012
I WOULD NEVER!!!
I've always been curious as to whether it's heredity or environmental factors that let a woman actuallydo escort work. Are they simply born to please many men - or is there some rite of passage that occurs after birth that opens the door?
Over time, I've met a few phone girls who were young, pretty and actually more attractive than the girls they were dispatching...all of which led me to ask the obvious: "Have you ever thought about jumping the fence to make the big bucks...ya know...actually being an escort so can make 5 times as much money? I mean...you're here already!"
And whenever I've asked this question, a creepy look inevitably comes over the girl's face and she responds uncomfortably with something like "I would never!" They're almost offended that I would even ask though when you think about it, the question is as logical as it can be.
Anyway...putting on my Doctor Phil hat, I've come to the conclusion that both heredity andenvironment factor into the equation...as I've more than once known girls whose mothers were escorts as well...and am well aware of several others who admit to early childhood sexual abuse.
Whatever it is...I bow to the golden calf of escorts who has provided my readers (and me) with hot girls who are fast and loose with that heat, and a living for yours truly so I don't have to drive a freakin' cab (which actually, I wouldn't mind doing again if all this went away).
It's a silly thought for the day but then again...I'm sure a lot of people have thought about why some girls can be escorts while most others can't. It's such a lucrative profession, you'd think that anybody who looked like anything would embark on the career. Unfortunately, it involves doing something that goes against all a woman's DNA when you consider my theory which says women are not supposed to allow just anybody entry to the promised land. Just as in the animal world, the female is supposed to meet and greet the boys and then choose her mate. She's not programmed to gang bang the entire herd!
Whatever! God bless 'em every one. I don't judge - unless they're selfish, inconsiderate, shady, lazy or especially...refuse to pay on time. So obviously, I do too much judging on this job.
Friday, August 3, 2012
HOTTER THAN THE 3RD OF AUGUST
Hey, fellerz! I have a long time client who used to advertise here but now does only Backpage. She's about the prettiest customer I've ever had - and has an awesome booty to boot! I'd like to get her back on this site. So give her a call and hook us both up (or at least me). I always wanted to fool around with this girl but alas...it never happened (bummer). Here she is TATIANA (917-284-4308)!
A BLAST FROM THE PAST/THEY SHOOT THEY SCORE
At this point in time, pretty much everybody reading this blog is well aware of the proliferation of escort review sites. Like...they're all over the place. But obviously, it wasn't always that way. Crappy bait and switch hustlers operated with impunity back in the day until these sites were born - and a guy named Dollar Bill brought the new wave to the mainstream via a Machine Age feature in The Village Voice. Yup! I got paid for this little piece of questionable journalism. And it was published way back in 1999!
Some 13 years later, review sites are now every bit as tainted as the rip-off escorts they were designed to out. But that's a situation I'll address tomorrow. For today, we turn back the hands of time to an era when these cutting edge url's were as pure as the driven snow - and you could almost count on the veracity of their content.
THEY SHOOT/THEY SCORE
Once upon a time, practitioners of the planet's oldest profession could give their clients the most perfunctory performances with very little chance of being held accountable. But the Internet may soon change that. There are now several locker-room-style Web sites run by and for escorts' customers that offer reviews of the women and (on one site) therapists who counsel the contributors on all matters sexual.
The concept is simple. A "hobbyist" (one site host's euphemism for what sex workers call a "trick" or a "john") goes online to submit a review of a prostitute he has spent time with, describing in vivid and gory detail exactly how he felt about the performance of the hired object of his lust. Thus worldsexguide.com, heavenorhell.com, lastpage.com/ sexmessages, and "johnsactionguide" (24.229.33.5/default2.html) have become the cyberfraternity houses where men who spend a great deal of their discretionary income visiting women all too willing to compromise their dignity for pictures of dead presidents log on to share information.
For a hound dog on the make, these sites provide valuable information in a business fraught with deceit. For the prostitute they provide an opportunity to let the world know exactly how proficient she is within the realm of sexual performance, thereby enabling those fortunate enough to get rave reviews substantial income growth almost overnight.
In the sex-for-sale business, many advertising vehicles require a picture to lure a client. And often the hooker behind the ad would rather that the world not see a photo of her attached to this line of work. Hence, a likeness from a foreign girlie rag is scanned and used as a facsimile representation. While this is great for the working girl, it is not so great for the client— who either caves, spending big dollars for someone other than the woman he anticipated, or cries "bait and switch," rejecting the encounter when he and his fantasy lady actually meet.
The john Web sites tend to be cluttered with warnings about certain women or escort agencies, as part of a collective effort to educate the legion of enthusiastic consumers who contract for sexual services. With the new wave of cyber review sites, dozens of bogus agencies and individuals are in the process of being outed every day. One nameless escort service owner, infamous for sending anyone available in lieu of the woman pictured in an ad, confided, "I hate those sites." And understandably so— if he's sending fakes at $300 per hour.
But the bait and switch isn't limited to fake pictures; it involves fake women as well. One recent forum on the johnsactionguide site questioned the true gender of several women who the hobbyists suspected might have been born men. "Everyone out there should be very careful with this," cautions one man on the site. "It's pretty amazing how real many of these post-ops look. And when you're horny, you tend to see what you want to see."
Another says, "I am always more careful in checking out female providers who are over 5'8". If I notice anything funny like a wig, a weird voice, thick wrists, no hips or sometimes just that certain angularity that men tend to have, I call it off real quick."
Given the popularity of these sites, a couple of good or bad reviews can make or break a house or a sex worker. Fatima, a pleasant and attractive sex worker with a full-time day job, says the sites are "fabulous." "Ever since I got a couple of good reviews," she says, "guys have been calling off the hook to see me."
But not everybody is so happy. Sometimes the commentary on the sites is graphic, salacious, and malicious— and can be extremely disturbing to those maligned. One very pretty but somewhat overweight Anna Nicole look-alike was reviewed with the passage, "She was so fat I had to separate the folds and flaps to fuck her." When she learned of the posting, she broke into tears, according to the house mom.
Since the onslaught of the sites, some worldly-wise working women have changed their ways, opting to give full and good service to all their clients. Stacy, an uptown sex worker, says, "I've never been the type of working girl to give a client a bad session, because I make most of my money from regulars. But with all these review sites, I make sure to give each and every guy the time of his life."
While there are two sides to every story and the reality of he says/she says applies in the old-fashioned world, sex workers have not caught up with their tricks in the cyberworld. There are as yet no sites where prostitutes can log on to dump on the slobs who patronize them. But that could change soon. Lisa, a very successful downtown madam and escort, is so adamant about these sites, she's already planning on turning the tables. "It's really disgusting the way these guys go online and discuss every stretch mark, every implant, and every mole on a girl's body," says Lisa, who generally receives very favorable reviews on the Web. "Some of these guys are so horrible. . . . Their breath stinks, their asses stink, their underwear has skid marks, their penises are ugly. . . . They have a lot of nerve talking about my girls the way they do. When I get the time, I'm gonna start my own Web site so the girls can review the pigs who think they're so smart. Then we'll see how they feel."
And here's another wrinkle: Laughably called the Creative Writer's Workshop, the johnsactionguide site and its host pride themselves on the quality of the submissions (although many are of a less-than-professional caliber). And some day in the not-too-distant future, the owner plans to consolidate and categorize all the submissions into one entity that he's confident will be of interest to any major publishing house.
Whether the world cares about a cybertrick's adolescent musings is debatable. But clearly the Internet's effect on the performance of the average working girl is not.
Thursday, August 2, 2012
THE TORTOISE AND THE HARE
Last night I was on the phone trying to convince a girl to hop a cab and seize the moment claiming in all truth that I hadn't had sex with anybody since our last rendezvous. But she wasn't buyin' it.
HER: "Really! You expect me to believe that? What about the psychoanalyst?" (Apparently, she reads the blog.)
ME :"No, I don't have sex with the psychoanalyst!"
HER: "OK! What about the chick who left her makeup bag at the motel in Suffolk County?"
ME: "Didn't you read? I dismissed her out of frustration."
HER: "Whatever! Ya know...guys come to see me and talk about what a great job you have and how they wished they could get lots of girls like you can."
That I found fascinating! Somebody thinks I live a blessed life. The point is...my job is no bed of roses...and my boring existence is far from the orgy many guys apparently think it is. I'm reminded of the fable of the tortoise and the hare when I tell everybody that the guys I've seen in this business who really did fuck all the time were always the same guys who burned out and didn't last. What happened with those "hares" was this: They got so involved in their terminal sex addiction that the work didn't get done...ads were left out...they got into drugs...acquired a reputation for being irresponsible horn dogs... and the next thing they knew...they were fired by their employers and/or clients. Yeah, they did a lot of scoring but that helter skelter pace was directly responsible for their downfall.
I on the other hand am the tortoise. I have never shirked my responsibilities in favor of a blow job. I don't go stark raving mad on drugs and women to the point that the work doesn't get done...and the truth is I see a lot fewer women than most guys think. Sure...over time I've been with a couple - or quite a few - but that's because - like the fable says - the slow but steady tortoise eventually wins the race.
And FYI...I'm the same way between the sheets. Call me slowhand. And if you don't like it (which fortunately some girls do), you can find yourself a jack hammer. I ain't tryin' to die mounting no garden tool! Back to that tortoise thing.
So like driving a taxi, this gig is a grind. Only 1% of the time do I find myself entering the world of the sublime. The other 99%? Ad by ad...and posting by posting...I make my living. Glamor is hardly part of my reality. Yeah, every so often I reward myself for all the endless hours and constant responsibility, but more than occasionally I think about those carefree days of yore when my cab shift was over when it was over...and I could sleep as long as I wanted without awakening from a blissful nap to post somebody's freakin' ad. Boy how I wish I could take off to the country with nothing to worry about but getting to the top of the mountain and popping a tall boy right now!
If I have any success at all in this business, the secret lies in my tortoise-like pace. I don't go crazy and eat all the chocolate in the candy store when I get the cashier job. It's just the kind of guy I am.
I had a boss at Action Magazine who was a major stud. He once bragged that one summer while renting a house at the shore with his boys, he fucked 82 girls. And whenever he came to New York to see clients, he always got laid...and sometimes twice in a day. He had his priorities in order!
But a funny thing happened on the way to the promised land. He got way into cocaine...lost his job...and died a few years later of an overdose. His hare-like MO put him six feet under and now, every time I see a girl, I catch up to old Jack, one stroke at a time. Not that it was ever a competition in the first place. But my point is...slow but steady wins the race...right back to the fable of The Tortoise and the Hare. The tortoise's name is $ Bill.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
THE A-LIST 7/28 update
Time for an update on the A-list! One has gone on extended vacation...one has been deported...one's house didn't pay their bill...and on and on!
1. SHA SHA - LOVELY ASIAN - 212-470-0409 - Rapidly becoming a crowd favorite, SHA SHA exemplifies feminine (and medical) perfection from head to toe. Attention to detail has never been so in evidence with an escort as it is with this girl. From nails...to hair...to makeup...to boobage? 100 percent all the way. Rumor has it she's a little crazy but by me, she's always been great! I have nothing but good things to say about SHA SHA!
2. CHERRY - HOT ASIAN - 646-841-4169 - A lot of guys complain that the Korean girls aren't as young as they look (as if that should make a difference). But CHERRY actually is in her early 20's. She also boasts an elegant sense of style and a body to match! And best of all...she actually gets crushes on her regular customers...something that used to cause a problem for the phone girl over at ASIAN PARADISE (when she worked there). The support staff and owners feel the girls should maintain a professional attitude and not get all gushy over some trick! Of course from the customers' points of view, this would be a plus!
3. CINDY - ASIAN FLOWER - 646-639-1195 - Korean girls aren't generally tall and naturally stacked. But CINDY is...and lately since they fired the phone girl, FLOWER has become a much more agreeable client. Yesterday, CINDY got the job of handing me the ad money and I couldn't help but notice her awesome natural endowments. She's pretty hot. I just never noticed before.
4. LUCKY - FANTASIA - 347-444-5580 - You don't see her in her secretary glasses with her hair pinned up, but I do. And LUCKY is extremely cute and friendly out of her war gear. And of course in it, she's equally attractive. She's the type of girl who looks good when she wakes up in the morning (not that I would know from personal experience)..but you get the idea. Women like that don't come a dime a dozen.
5. BONNIE THE BODY - ASIAN MODELS - 917-284-0733 - Bonnie doesn't always get the best reviews...but nobody who's seen her could say anything bad about her physique. She's amazing! Ask any Korean girl who has the best body in their subculture and they'll all say "Bonnie." And I have to agree. And btw...several years ago I did see Bonnie in the room. I just had to. She was so compelling.
6. GINIE - BUNNY GIRLS - 347-287-7330 - If you're down for a super spinner with a fresh mouth and a super pretty and petite body, then GINIE'S your girl. I love when she says "What the fuck?" with her heaqvy Korean accent. It's really cute!
7. RUBY - FANTASIA - 347-444-5580 - Often ads advertise 35 year old girls as 23, but in RUBY'S case, she really is in her early 20's. She's also kind of tall (which can be a good thing) with a perfect body from head to toe and a very pretty face. I don't really know a lot about RUBY - but when I see her, I know she's a good-looking girl. I might be getting old - but I'm not blind yet.
Well...there ya go! Some useful information for a change. Maybe tomorrow, I'll do "The Non-Asian A-list." But for now, this is enough for one day! Cereal time. Yum!
MY DADDY'S BEST STORIES II
I was going to tell a story this morning I related to one of my clients yesterday and decided to check if I'd told it before on this blog. And sure enough...I had...in an old post I read through and decided to feature today. Repeats are OK if they're good. And this is one of the few old entries worth repeating. One caution: There's nothing about NY escorts here. I can't be "about" escorts 24/7. My apologies.
Apropos of nothing, I think I'll waste some time telling more of my daddy's best stories if for no other reason than to have them on file. (Clearly, I have too much time on my hands.) During his tenure as head of A & R at Columbia, he mingled with the adored and famous - even if in many cases, they didn't impress him that much. However he felt about the artists he recorded, he always had a good story.
Take Bob Dylan for example. In the grand old days of The Sixties, record labels had staff producers who were assigned artists whose recordings it was their job to oversee. And my old man got Bob Dylan. He took one look at what he saw as a mangy, semi-talented, out-of-tune hippy and passed. His Dylan story went like this: "The first time I met him he was surrounded by reporters who asked what the words to a song meant. And he responded 'I don't know. You guys will tell me what I meant. Isn't that your job?'" Pop interpreted that as an admission that Dylan didn't know what the hell he was writing about and dismissed him as a faker. In Pop's defense, he was a big band arranger. It wasn't that easy to relate. Only a few rock and rollers impressed him and Dylan wasn't one of them.
But while he gave Dylan to Mike Berniker (I think), daddy kept Dion for himself because he liked the guy's voice. The only problem was Dion got waaay into listening to Dylan's music and shooting heroin - and didn't care much about anything else. In fact, he was so busy doing drugs and grooving on Bob Dion wasn't even tending to his wife's needs - if you get my drift. Sooo...Kenny Rankin (an obscure artist on Columbia who my old man said had mated with every secretary in the building), came to the rescue. And one day, Dion and Kenny got into it in my old man's office whereupon Kenny offered in his defense "Hey! All you do is shoot junk and sit on the pot all day. Somebody's gotta fuck her." It didn't come to blows. I guess Dion appreciated Kenny's logic.
One singer he completely idolized was Aretha Franklin. Between the ages of say 8 to 18, I'd see Popsicle like twice a year. He lived just about an hour away but had a new family and was a big star. Hence, he had very little time for my brother and me. When he did come to see us, daddy always brought his latest project with which to impress my mother...who was his groupie anyway. Despite the fact they'd divorced not very amicably, she'd sit raptly listening to whatever music he brought.
So one spring day he came over with a demo and told her "This girl is fantastic. She's the best singer I've ever heard. And we're gonna lose her because Columbia Records has no idea how to promote a black artist." And then he played Aretha Franklin's first professional recording. He also played the demo for Barbara Streisand - mostly to fuck with her because he couldn't stand Babs. Surprisingly, she listened and then told daddy "I want a demo of everything you cut on her. She's amazing."
Streisand is a legendary cheapskate. Even in her biography, the author revealed she'd flag cabs in New York and then run on the fare just to save a few bucks. Anyway...Big Bob said that this is how cheap she was: As a final song on an album, the team picked some standard or other and sent out to Colony Music for the sheet music on the tune so the band could whip up a quick rendition to finish the album. According to the old man, she insisted the musicians make their notations in pencil so when the session was over, she could erase the pencilings and return the sheet music to the store. And this was after she'd sold millions of records. Now THAT'S cheap!
The Mid to Late Sixties brought the "hippy invasion" to Columbia Records. It also spelled the end for the old man as he was an arranger and felt as useless as tits on a bull in the company of heavy rockers who didn't require horns or strings on their records. Whatever...Santana, Chicago, Blood Sweat and Tears, and Big Brother and the Holding Company brought the label great riches. And they were on the bandwagon big time. So in the flood, they dropped a few bucks letting Al Kooper and Mike Bloomfield record a couple of bare bones blues jams and called the record "Super Session." And it sold millions. When a label spends almost nothing recording an album...and sells those kinds of numbers...you know the stampede is on!
So Mike Bloomfield found this wild albino caucasian blues guy in Texas named Johnny Winter and Columbia gave him the biggest bonus in the history of music to sign with the label. The negotiation had almost come to fruition when Johnny threw a wrench in the works. "I won't sign the contract unless you give my brother a deal, too."
Columbia's response was essentially "Who the fuck is your brother?" And when they found out he was yet another albino freak of nature they weren't all that thrilled...but unwillingly gave Edgar a deal, too. So what happened? Johnny was a stiff from whom the label never recouped their investment. And Edgar? He made them millions with "Free Ride" and "Frankenstein," both huge commercial successes.
While as stated before, Pop wasn't keen on most rock and rollers, he did recognize Chicago's talent. They had three horn players and he liked the way they voiced the section. Pop told the label they should sign the band but was trumped by another executive who didn't recognize their talents. So Columbia passed but then signed them a year later for like ten times as much money as Chicago would have taken a year before, once the band began to explode at live gigs and it was clear they truly were star material.
Robert Goulet wasn't Dad's favorite singer. In fact, he used to call him "the iron lung." But he liked the guy because one day while Goulet was in Pop's office, he confessed that after a gig in Toronto, he grabbed a chick from the audience for an "encounter" but confessed he couldn't get it up for the show. And any guy who would admit that couldn't be totally full of himself as so many famous recording artists are.
And finally, while Andy Williams had an excellent ear for inner voicings and the harmonies of the background singers on his records, Johnny Mathis had no ear for harmony at all. He simply had a beautiful voice. Even though Dad knew Johnny was gay, Pop didn't seem to have an attitude about his sexual orientation, which was a little surprising as Daddy was definitely old school when it came to that.
Though he only knew me as a child, when I grew up to be the one offspring who became a professional musician, he solicited my help on a couple of projects in The 70's as he attempted to resurrect his lost career. And when he opened a crappy little office at 1650 Broadway, a lot of people would come in to say hi and reminisce. One day this little black dude entered and gave my old man a big hug. Pops actually teared up which I found amazing on two counts. I'd never seen him express emotion like that before...and...he professed to hate black people! Why would he get all gooey over this guy?
The man's name was Otis Blackwell. If you don't know who Otis is...here's a few of the songs he wrote: "Great Balls Of Fire," "Return To Sender," Don't Be Cruel," "Handyman," "Fever," and "All Shook Up." You get the idea! Otis and I wrote one song together. it was called "The Girl's Gone and Left Me Again." It never got recorded.
Here's Otis's card (I kept it somehow), a picture of me back then, and an ancient shot of Popsicle (cigar in hand) at a recording session with Streisand. May my father and Otis rest in peace. And now it's back to the flatbackers. This little vacation down memory lane is over!
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
THE PSYCHOANALYST
I've met a lot of girls in this business who pretend to be nurses...or students...or photographers...or writers...and on and on. But I'd never met any psychoanalysts until yesterday when I received an e-mail in which one of my clients peeled back the layers and let me know in no uncertain terms what she thinks really makes $ Bill tick.
In the communication, she said stuff like "Billy I am starting to understand you. You don't want to be friends and you look for things to keep everyone at a distance." And..."You hook up with a hot girl for a time and you find something you don't like so you push her away. You are a good looking intelligent man." And..."With all of this you have something that blocks you from trust and love. You would make a great father and you are a great catch for a pretty woman but I don't think anyone has a chance."
Wow! Thanks a lot, honey! Can I see your license? Well anyway...to answer quickly...statement one is just false. I don't look for things to keep people at a distance. As for statement two...when I hook up with a hot girl (which is like every ten years or so), I generally find several things that I don't like about her right away. I just ignore them because she's hot and I like the sex. And finally...what blocks me from trust and love with escorts is that too many are damaged, selfish, spoiled, boring...and not people I can really spend a lot of time with. And who wants to hook up with somebody like that on a permanent basis? Only a fool!
The funny thing is I actually like my psychoanalyst. She's quirky and funny in her own way. I just can't get the woman to pay on time...which is why I got the psychoanalysis in the first place. I don't want to work until I get paid and she doesn't understand why. But I like that she thinks I'm good looking, intelligent and a great catch. And I certainly have no intention of buying her a new pair of glasses. Come to think of it...I'd like to meet all the hot girls I've hooked up with because I must have been asleep a lot of the time. I don't remember very many hot girls in my past. Mostly skanks the truth be told. But as I've said before...there's always a big-breasted, phat-bootied, and deep-throated disappointment right around the corner. And thus...I live to fuck another day regardless. And actually, I currently have a client/"girlfriend" who I kind of like. Go figure! But no doubt, she'll do something really stupid and I'll push her away. And ten will get ya twenty that it will be her issue and not mine!
Monday, July 30, 2012
A PEDOPHILE'S DREAM!
With the weather bad and not a lot to do but post, I like the rest of the world, was tuned into the olympics this past weekend. And being a horn dog, I was of course looking for a female athlete who looked fuckable. I'm sorry to say that with the exception of one Korean volleyball player, I didn't find any! Big tits might be at a premium in the escort world...but they're apparently nothing but dead weight on an athlete! Having them pretty much precludes a woman from excelling at sports. (I know...Serena Williams has tits and ass...but she's a brick house who could start in the NFL. She doesn't count!) And when it comes to the faces of the olympic elite...I didn't see anybody gorgeous in that arena either.
Anyway...there was (or is) one disturbing element to the entire presentation...and one that falls right in with the "To Catch a Predator" theme. And that's the prepubescent female gymnasts. I don't know...but there's something a little spooky about that whole deal. Curiosity number one is that while the males seem to be men...the girls are just exactly that...girls! Why the female olympic gymnasts are so young is a question I can't answer. Apparently, something in the physiology of a woman dictates that if she's more than 16 years old, the old girl is over the hill.
That is what it is...and I can deal...but what's up with all the preening after every element? And the skimpy outfits which show the girls' entire lower bodies? And finally...all the eyeshadow/makeup/pinned down hair-do's? I almost feel like I'm watching one of those little girl beauty pageants (except that these girls can actually do something besides look cute). I also wonder whether these children aren't missing their entire childhoods! And judging by the looks on the parents' faces when the kids perform...exactly who wanted to pursue the olympic dream in the first place?
There's a story about one gymnast (a black girl) who moved from Virginia to Des Moines - and cried herself to sleep from homesickness - just to embark on the olympic mission. But I think what makes me most uncomfortable is the realization that there are pedophile freaks out there getting off sexually at the sight of these performances - and that the presentation itself is just too sexual in nature, thus inviting the inevitable and fanning a freak's flames. Maybe I'm weird...but I'm just sayin'. There's something not right with the gymnastics deal.
Moving on...I promised to mention the new girl at ASIAN MODELS who goes by the name of JULIE. The phone girl tells me she's almost brand new to New York (been here for 2 weeks) and has the beautiful booty all guys dream of. So I asked to see the girl for a second and what happens? They trot out a half-asleep chick in a bathrobe! Brilliant! Totally covered up and without makeup! That's exactly the perfect presentation! Thus, I can't really say a whole lot about her - except that she looked like she just woke up! But here she is all gussied up and photoshopped. Hubba-hubba! You be the judge. And before I go... a little insight into the anatomy of a train wreck.
I have a client who wanted to come visit last night. That's great...but this girl is totally on Diva Standard Time. If she says 1 AM, I know it's gonna be dawn when she arrives! And that's if I'm lucky!
First, she calls to cry that she had to run out to LIC to pay her storage bill or the place was gonna charge her a hundred dollar penalty...begging the question: Honey! You're a grown woman with no children to support and no rent to pay! How come that bill isn't paid? Answer: Gambling, drugs and profound irresponsibility!
Then she calls to say she has to see a client and will be arriving either 2 hours late or 3 - depending if caller number 2 comes through. Miraculously, the second guy cancels and she's on her way over necessitating that I post all my ads for today and clean the joint up in a hurry. No sooner have I done my homework when she calls to say "I left my makeup bag back with my client (who was at a hotel in Suffolk County) and I just realized it. I have to go back!"
OK! I've done stupid shit like that on occasion so I don't judge - and return to doing stuff on the computer to clear my schedule for our fun time. Maybe half an hour later, I decide to call and check on her progress knowing that she's as slow as molasses. Hopefully by that time, she'd be back at the motel and within minutes of embarking on the return trip. So what happens? The girl is still in Manhattan and has just squandered 30 plus minutes finding a way to pay her cell phone bill because it had just been cut off for non-payment.
And that was all she wrote (so to speak). I dismissed her summarily and then took a look at myself in the mirror to say "And you're fucking this mess? What does that say about you?" Not much, I'll tell ya. My self-esteem is shot. I don't know who's a bigger loser...her for being a complete fucking disaster area...or me for even...aw fuck it! You get the idea. Bleccch! Shoot me now! I'm out!!
Sunday, July 29, 2012
FRACTURED ENGLISH
The great majority of my clients do NOT speak English as their first language. And even if they do, they don't speak it that well. Whatever...as a guy who studies proper usage, spelling, syntax etc., I'm often amused at the fractured English I hear from my customers. After all...most have picked up the language through conversing with English-speaking people rather than actually going to school. And thus, they don't know about conjugating verbs, placing modifiers and stuff like that. The girls simply hope to understand - and make themselves understood. And that makes perfect sense to me. But sometimes it yields hilarious results.
Here are some of my favorite bastadizations of the language in which the results though ass backwards - can be surprisingly endearing: Just for example, I have one Brazilian friend (not a client anymore - way too big a pain in the ass) who assures every caller that what they see is what they're gonna get by repeating over and over "And that's my really picture." I would correct her but when I hear the statement, it brings a smile to my face. It just has a funny ring that gives her a charming and irresistible dizziness.
Or another time, I was hanging out at an Asian place for a few minutes shooting the shit with the phone girl. When I stood up to leave and go to the next stop, her eyes opened wide and out came the words "Billy-ah! Don't go! I'm boring." You're telling me! That's why I'm leaving! Not entirely true. I just had to go! Still...it brought a chuckle to my attitude.
And just the other day, I called up another Asian customer who picked up the phone to say "You can coming over" before I even asked if she was ready. Too cute! "You can coming over." I'd like to be "cumming" with her - if you get my drift.
Years ago when zero Asians would allow me to photograph them, I finally convinced one outcall place to pose for the camera. They had two cute girls and after placing the ads with the real photos in The Press, Voice and NY-Exotics, the phones exploded! When I went back the next week, the boss broke out with a big smile and said "Bill...you good information."
Even though the English in all these examples was totally fractured, what I liked about them is the way the girls conveyed the message. As I once wrote in a venerable publication regarding an immigrant taxi demonstration..."The placards were misspelled...but the message came through loud and clear." And that's what language is about ultimately: Sending the message loud and clear - and with attitude! In all those previous examples, the girls accomplished their missions...regardless of whether the grammar and syntax was correct.
And that's enough of English Professor Bill. It's time to get to work!
Saturday, July 28, 2012
PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE
I always thought the phrase "passive aggresive" was kind of an oxymoron. Like how the fuck can you be passive and aggressive at the same time? But then a couple of days ago, I experienced it first hand and came to understand the true meaning of the sentiment.
I was sitting at one of the houses with which I do business when in walked who I thought was on old friend, a girl I "mysteriously" haven't run into for a long time. Upon seeing Ms. Honey, I broke into a smile and called her name just out of reflex, whereupon she said nothing...brushed me out of the way...and then slammed the door to the "girls only" room in my face. I'm not that swift but I got it. This was a passive aggressive demonstration with an unmistakable message: "Fuck you, Billy-ah!"
Now why would she have such a horrible attitude? Did I fuck her and then move on to her best friend? Did I take her money and then not run an ad? Did I kill a family member? Well...I'm not totally clear on why the girl suddenly dislikes me but I'm pretty sure it goes like this: I published a few readers' comments that shed a negative light on her performance...and she's apparently angry with me for that!
I might add that there have also been some favorable comments about her - but more in the realm of "could do better if she tried harder" than "she really rocked my world."
I've been aware from her attitude that this girl is burnt out. A couple of years ago when she was an owner, this individual wanted an ad on Utopia Guide. This is a request I almost never get. In response, I told her that the owner hates me and that her best bet was to give the guy a free session in exchange for the ad because his prices are really very high...and that I would give her his e-mail address to make the solicitation. Well...the pained look on her face at the thought of servicing this man spoke volumes. This was the prototypical "I hate my job and all my clients" type of escort guys loathe.
The curious thing is...that as an owner and advertiser, she wanted tons of extras free of charge (or very cheap) - exactly what she no doubt hates from the guys in the room. Just for example...the girl discovered the value of a $ Bill shout out (in a blog entry) very early. One day she asked me if I would mention the house every day for a week on the blog in exchange for which she would give me a hundred bucks!
Wow! What a fucking sport! "I'll tell ya what sister. How's about you give me a blow job every day for the next week - for a hundred bucks?" The nerve. I should write her up every day for a week so the house can make thousands while I get a measly c-note for the effort.
In reality, I just looked at her and smiled conveying the message "Nice try...but I don't come nearly as cheaply as you'd like."
Anyway...what's relevant for the reader here is this: The girl is angry with me because my message to her is essentially one of "Do better in the room. You have (or bought) the physical equipment to do the job. Use it...and stop being a fucking diva. That or get a skill and make a living in another line of work!"
Instead, she's taken to hiring a fake reviewer to post clumps of phony reviews on TER so she can continue turning a buck at the expense of guys who think the reviews they're reading are real - and that they're going to get their money's worth. God forbid the girl should take pride in a job done well. That might involve a little effort. And she'll hear none of that!
Friday, July 27, 2012
THIS AIN'T NO IWO FUCKING JIMA!
I get a kick out of girls who see a nice guy once and then all of a sudden, they think he's their regular and nobody else can see him. Like what the fuck is that?!?! This ain't no Iwo-fucking-jima! You can't plant a flag in a trick and lay claim to his ass in exactly the same way a guy can't walk into a house...wow a girl in the room...and expect he can claim ownership to her ass! Of all the insanity! Hello, girls! I'm a trick and almost by definition, I pays my money...and I sees who I want! You don't own me - and I'm not your goddamn regular!
Obviously, I rarely pay for companionship. It's almost always some kind of barter deal that lands me in the clutches with one of my clients. But that doesn't matter. If I do ads...and play in a house...the green-eyed monster always rears its ugly head. And there have been times I've called ahead to find out who is and who's not there - so I can avoid any uncomfortable situations. And why the fuck would I be put in a position of discomfort? Does the jealous girl really like me? Not usually. Just a money/prestige thing.
Like just for example...I was once with a girl at some house or other. We got into an interface which really wasn't working. Neither of us was getting anything done and it was clear we needed to reconfigure. But the girl kept at it. And why? Because the bed was squeaking up a storm and she knew the other chiclets would hear and think "Wow! She's turning Dollar Bill completely out!"
Ya know...when I see a girl and things get really heated and I know we're both on fire...I realize that it's just for the moment. It's a one hour honeymoon and I don't assume anything else unless the girl finds my number and starts calling me. And trust me...that doesn't happen very often - if ever!
So girls! Put a lid on it! Hey! Here's an idea: If you really like one of these guys so much, try rentinghim for the hour. I'm sure for as long as you pay, he'll be all yours. But until you take that plunge, don't expect guys to come see you every time when you work in a place with several girls. That's just a ridiculous, deluded, selfish and uninformed point of view! Move on! The next guy might be even better.
Thursday, July 26, 2012
THE DEPORTATION BLUES
Long time readers probably noticed that this morning's entry was a repeat...something that happens when I have nothing to say or am tired from a hot roll the night before. The situation was the former today until I got a phone call indicating that yet another of my Korean "friends" is getting the old heave ho from the US of A!
Clearly, with a new law in place, the girls must clear up their outstanding warrants. And keeping current on their immigration status might be a good idea as well. Up until recently, NYPD busts were exactly that...NYPD! But now INS people have been known to come along for the ride - which turns what used to be a botheration for the girls into a disaster - especially if they've overstayed their welcome and/or have any outstanding warrants.
Lightning struck again last week when in a similar fashion to a recently mentioned incident, one of the girls took a bust...had skipped on a court date...and is now on what I call "the slowboat to China." Apparently, deportees are held in custody for a period of time before they actually get sent home...a reality that can't sit well with a girl who's used to eating the mamasan's cooking, napping a lot with her friends, and making a pretty penny seeing guys when they arrive.
The net result of this activity for the consumer shakes out like this: Most Asian houses are not taking any new customers...or even picking up from phones that aren't in the data base. Thus, I'm getting e-mails from guys asking why nobody's answering their calls. And the answer is...if your phone isn't in the database, you need to find a guy who's number is so he can call and get you in! Imagine...you want to spend your 200 clams but you can't even get into the place because the girls are so afraid? That's what's going on right now!
It all seems so silly from where I sit. These girls are self-trafficked and if they're slaves to anything, it's their own vices (shopping, gambling, bad boyfriends etc.) Wouldn't it make sense to legalize and regulate the whole deal so the gov can make some money and pay off a few of the trillions of dollars it (and we) owe?
Well...be that as it may...I've commented on this subject before so I won't go on. Not much more to say!
CAN'T BUY ME LOVE
I was over at one of my American clients' place yesterday just doing the business when one of the girls off-handedly began gossiping about the mad love affair one of the other girls is conducting with a guy from the neighborhood.
I'm always curious when I hear about a (presumably) hardened escort getting all gushy for a guy. I mean...she sees and experiences so many individuals compared to a "regular" girl, I wonder exactly what it is about the one man that is just sooo seductive. Is the guy George Clooney handsome? Or does he boast a huge wallet? Or an even bigger you-know-what?
Well anyway...I've found that there really is no predicting who an escort will fall for. Just like in the square world, there isn't a lot of rhyme or reason in the process. It just inexplicably happens for no particularly rational reason. Regardless, this one really tickled me. The lucky guy who has so captivated this superstar is not a Fortune 500 CEO. He's not an investment banker clad in an Armani suit. And he isn't a rock star with 45 gold records. The guy is a mechanic at the local bike shop. I kid you not. The girl has fallen ass over tea kettle for a bicycle fix-it guy!
And ya know...this isn't the first time I've seen this happen. A long time ago, I worked for a taxi paper which employed a self-proclaimed computer wiz who was also a bicycle mechanic (and a good one I might add). Warren was dating a gross, cheap blonde who nobody in the office fancied because the girl acted like she was better than everybody else. Whatever...when I moved on to my next job at Action Magazine, it wasn't long before I discovered that Warren's girlfriend was a prolific garden tool whose pictures were plastered all over my new employer's publication. Yup! Yet another escort hooked up with a bike-fixing dude! And they even got married and she quit the business - at least as far as I know.
So back to the point...if you wanna win the heart of your favorite escort, forget about driving a pimped out ride...or making a trillion dollars. All ya gotta do is learn how to fix a bicycle and you're apparently on your way. Who'd a thunk?
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
OFF THE BEATEN PATH
In this modern day and age, more than a few escorts like to hit the road in pursuit of the almighty dollar. Girls will actually go on tour...hitting Atlanta, Chicago, Boston, Washington and really...any major metropolis where they think they can make money. It's a "have laptop will travel" kind of world for sure. But the big bucks might not always be in the big metropolises. Working small town USA can be just as - or even more profitable.
Like once upon a time, I had a client who liked to stray off the beaten path...and would call me to post her in places like Toledo, Ohio...or Dover, Delaware. And another girl told me she rocked in Burlington, Vermont for a week and only had to post one time a day to get 5 or 10 guys!
So yesterday, one of my colleagues was goofing on Eros for sending all the agents e-mails about sales running in really far off places.
"Like what the fuck am I supposed to do with a half price deal in Wyoming? Who the fuck is in Wyoming?" said James whereupon, he checked out the Wyoming list on Backpage to see if there was anything but spam in the section.
Well...there were maybe 20 ads total for the day and sure enough, one of them was run by an ex-client of mine...a New Yorker with a 646 number!
"Hey, Dollar! I think this chick is one of your ex-clients" he exploded. And yup...there was Keri, a big-breasted black girl from New York, running her ad in Caspar, Wyoming!
I must have called the girl 5 different times yesterday to hear the scoop but all I got was voice mail. And that says to me she was really busy. And when you think about it, not a big surprise. A black girl with 38DD's visiting Caspar. Like ride 'em cowboy. Hiyo Silver! Keri's riding all the way to the bank!
In the meantime...I had some really good therapy last night with my old pal CANDY, formerly ofGODIVA'S FINEST. She wasn't especially happy about a few things I said on this blog...but I got her a good job at an Asian place and I guess she figured "I always kind of liked that loser $ Bill. Let me go over there and have my way with the old bastard to let him know who's the lucky one in this mix!"
Well...I think it's fair to say we both got lucky last night. Or at least I did. And as we all know...that's what matters! But I kid. It was nice to see Ms. Confection. And ya know...I have very good verbal intercourse with this girl. She actually knows stuff. When I grow up...I'm gonna marry a girl like Candy. But for the moment...I live to fuck another girl...another day. What can I say? I'm out! Oh! Here's her ad complete with a new pic shot yesterday.
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
DEAR TER USERS
This blog has surely had its shares of ups and downs in the past few months. First, it was deleted by google as spam. (How is a blog with nearly 1,000,000 original words considered spam?!?!) Then the country's #1 escort site decided I could no longer post links to my site on theirs. Together, these two could pretty much spell disaster for this here train wreck. Yet with virtually no links from anywhere...954 guys came to visit yesterday. That's pretty amazing...almost like an incall which completely stops advertising anywhere still getting 40 regular customers in a day.
Still, I could use more quality traffic. And that's where you guys come in. I figure that more than a few readers also post TER (www.theeroticreview.com) reviews. Now, I don't look at TER that often but when I do, I never see this site's url posted as the location the reviewer found the ad. So fellas...when you write a TER review, please list www.dollarbill-ny.com as the site where you found the girl because a) it's true...and b) that's exactly how I can increase my quality traffic. Half the world goes to TER. Enough said.
On the gossip and drama front, I got nothing today. My most significant activity yesterday (besides some artwork changes) was perusing my twitter account which contains the titles and first lines from all the 180 posts I lost when the old blog came down. And I'm happy to say that most of it was daily crap not worthy of saving in the first place. Plus to my surprise, I found I'd actually e-mailed the best entries to my mother! Thus they live on in my e-mail box! The point? I'm getting over the loss and moving on in the knowledge that whatever disappeared is either worthless - or can be rewritten now that I've seen the headers.
On the blog improvement front, you'll notice I've installed tabs below the header which go to relevant pages inquiring minds might seek. Thus, you can click straight through to the Fly Girl Roundup and A-lister pages without searching for them in the archives. Hopeully, I'll update those lists frequently so they don't get static and useless. I figure those lists are what's been causing the traffic uptick lately. That or my guitar playing! But I really doubt the latter. The trick world can live without my musical contributions. But those lists? That's another story!
Sunday, July 22, 2012
AS THE WORLD TURNS
I hate soap operas. They have to be the lamest form of entertainment ever conceived to titillate a bored drama queen's mind. Yet as I introspect this morning, I discover that my life is a fucking soap opera...and one just as banal as the crap you see on TV!
So...I called one of my favorite girls yesterday and as usual...found her in a din of noise as she answered her phone. "Honey! You're always in a bar...or club...or out in the street when I call you. Are you ever home?" I asked.
"Listen! I have a life and I'm young! What do you want me to say?"...she fired back as if I was attacking her. More defensively than the situation warranted I answered back "Hey! Are you fucking with me because I'm old and I don't have a life?"
"Billy! What am I going to do with you?"...said she hopelessly. "Uh...a nice blow job would work!"...said I proving how incorrigible and set in my ways I've become.
Such a soap opera drama queen! There's nothing left to do but blow me! That's all I'm good for: Getting a blow job!
The truth is...for some inexplicable reason, the girl actually likes me. She'd like nothing better than for me to treat her like a babe I found in a bar - or on match.com...and not the pro I first met in the room for a review. We'll have to see about that. I just may have to come around to her point of view if I want to partake of the bounties that lay at the end of the rainbow. Ya know...I hate dating. It's one reason I took the job at Action Magazine. I figured I could stop trying to get laid in bars and just turn to pros when the need arose. And I was right!
In a similarly drama-soaked subplot, the good boss at JEWELS came through with the payment last night and actually asked "Is there a white girl here you wanna see for a review?" Obviously, I have a predilection for women of color...and she has a desire for me to hang out with somebody who isn't black for a change.
Whatever...I'll tell you what. I left the hottest Korean in New York off my A-list. KYLIE gave me an awesome massage last night. And what I really like about her is as robo as she is (and she is by her own admission), KYLIE has a sort of innocence and purity a pro of her stature rarely exhibits. And of course...when I suggested that after work we should go beat the crap out of the bad boss, she lit up like a Christmas tree. KYLIE absolutely hates the bad boss and even got in a full-blown brawl with her one night at a party. Too bad I wasn't there for that one!
Well...now that I've put everybody to sleep with the boring soap opera that is my life...I'll stop now before somebody slips into a coma. This episode of As The Stomach Turns is over. You'll have to tune in tomorrow for more of the trvial, trite and banal.
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